Can I get an H!

So....I've been in a bit of a dry slump lately. Oh, what a difference a couple of letters in that sentence could make, if I had been in a bit of a dry hump instead of a slump I'd be relatively happy and not frustrated in the least, of course an sl instead of an h means some words for you to read right here on this fine soapbox I call my blog. Silver lining :)

As of late my life has been more like the Rebecca Black song about Friday as opposed to the Katy Perry song about Friday. Its been more of a "gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal, tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes after....wards". I mean I still don't want the weekend to end but it's no "Is this a hickie or a bruise, streaking in the park, skinny dipping in the dark whoa-oh-oah" kind of Friday night.

I'm not going to specify how long this dry slump has been, cause I'm classy. But since the beginning of the slump there has been no more than a little kissin', and I don't even know if I should count it. Like, if this person was a Christmas ornament, you would hang em on the back of the tree. Not the best looking, not something you want to display to your friends, but still made the cut...after a few glasses of nog. Maybe you put this particular ornament on the bottom of the tree in the back, near the electrical outlets, just in case there is a fire it would be the first to go. I guess I'm sayin, no one would miss it.

I can't complain too much, as I found out last night one of my friends hasn't started her ump with an H since 2010...that's a completely different year than we are currently in! Well, I'm out there looking for love, perhaps though in all the wrong places. Seeing as the last person I went on a 'date' with asked me I was super healthy because I ordered a green tea frappuccino, apparently if a beverage is green like a vegetable it must taste yucky and have lots of gross healthy vitamins in it. Is the logic lost on you? Yeah, me too. I also used the word sedentary, which in hindsight I realize is a 'big' word but a little advice, if you are on a date with someone and they use a word you don't understand you have a couple options: 1. decipher its meaning by the context in which it was used 2. react how they react (if they laugh then you laugh, etc) then look it up when you get home 3. ask them what it means. Two of those options are acceptable, one is not. If you can't figure out which one is not, then I'm super happy I've never been on a date with you.


Oh, as a side note I have a new favorite time waster...pinterest is out (not really, its still bad ace) and My Drunk Kitchen is in. Be still my hannah Hart (winky face emoticon). It's wonderful and fantastic and you will love it, promise.

Tastes like freedom

Last week while poking around the good old interweb I found a 4th of July cake on 17 and baking and said to myself "Self, this intricate cake looks like something that could really frustrate you, why not try to make it this weekend." And so it was.


On this fine weekend of independence celebration I, being the dedicated employee that I am, scheduled myself to work on Saturday. With that, I knew that I was going to avoid the imminent hangover that Friday night trivia usually assures and I would be fully capable of actually accomplishing something on Saturday after finishing with work. With rain in the forecast for all of Saturday, this little cake seemed to be the perfect accomplishment to tackle.

If you'd like to make this yourself, 17 and baking gives a pretty good description, or you can check out my step by step guide below :) I'd make the assumption that you could rock this type of cake for other holidays like cinco de mayo, just change up the flag on the inside, I don't know, use your imagination :)

I essentially used 2 cake mix's and made Three 8 inch round cakes (1 red, 1 white, and 1 blue, made by a little food coloring added to vanilla cake) and two 4 inch round cakes (1 red and 1 white). My blue layer was a bit thicker, which makes more sense below.

Start with the 8 inch white then the 8 Inch red with a layer of icing in-between.

Taste test to assure deliciousness ;)

And the only really tricky part is cutting out a 4 inch whole in the middle of the blue layer and making sure your 4 inch red and white cakes when put together are the same height as your blue layer because they will fill in the hole. Like so :)


Then put on your fav icing. I used cream cheese because it's yummo. To make the outside of the cake look as freedom filled as the inside I added strawberries which were dipped in white chocolate and blue sugar sprinkles.

Bask in your creativeness and Enjoy!
Last but certainly not least, have a nap, you worked really hard.

I heart charts! and graphs

Wendy's changed their fries. Dislike.

Still don't know what to get for a couple in your life?

Before the snuggie few of us ever asked for a blanket with sleeves, but that was because we forgot how to dream....

While browsing around Borders looking for my next best read, as I all too often do on my lunch hour, I stumbled upon this little gem.


Browsing quickly turned to buying, and it was off to find a steelers snuggie to complete this perfect gift for My BMF and Mrs. My BMF. So, if you find yourself in these last days before christmas wondering just what would be the perfect gift for a couple in your life...you're welcome. Happy Slanket shopping my friends.

Turns out he liked it....

Congrats are in order for My BMF and The Future Mrs. My BMF....they're engaged!

Little video in honor of this momentous occasion. All of mine you two.

E-U-O-N-Y-M .... EUONYM !!!!

Its that time of year again....the Scripps National Spelling Bee...What! What!

Here's a short clip of my all time favorite winner, Rebecca Sealfon. She embodies badassness (at least in the spelling world), even though she denied my friend request on facebook.



A short note to No Longer Easy E....I am deeply saddened that we will not be able to continue our tradition of the Scripps National Spelling Bee Drinking game this year due to our conflicting travel schedules. Even though the game as it originated only made us feel stupid, it blossomed into a wonderful evening where you don't have to be able to spell to be a winner, you just be able to look at a kid and guess if they can spell. Perhaps next year we can do it over skype, if you're not too busy trying to be a doctor.

Hard at work, or Hardly working?

Millions of people across the world are getting paid by their respective places of employment to play pacman on Google's home page today.

Case in point----

Kissy Faced Booty Shaker: "I think I have carpal tunnel"
A: "From playing pacman?"
Kissy Faced Booty Shaker: "On google. Yes"
A: "and you just made my blog"

Kissy Faced Booty Shaker: "shit"

Paging Doctor Intern

Never again will I have to wonder if it’s ok to take random drug with alcohol, discovering what a pill I found haphazardly in my medicine cabinet with L6785J etched in it is actually for will only be a phone call away, and the phrase “I’m practically a doctor” will only come from my mouth. Pigs have flown, hell has in fact installed an ice skating rink …as of 5pm Friday, our little Intern became a Doctor.

It’s ok to be scared, we are talking about this girl….


Yes, the one who let me cut her hair after consuming an entire pitcher of daiquiris, the girl who loves McChickens so much she will even eat them after they have been dropped in sand, the medical mind who diagnosed herself with an alcohol allergy only to find out she actually somehow caught her dog’s skin condition, and the person who replied “Soil.orlgimpxldimsup” to this text I sent her Saturday night after her 14 hour graduation celebration “Just checking if my fav hot mess is still alive. I don’t require actual words, any type of response will do".
Congrats, Doctor Intern. I’m so very proud you went from practically to actual. I love you!

Just when they raised my ER deductible to $100…

With Little A coming into this world in less than a month’s time I have been browsing around the interweb for a very tiny pair of puma’s to assure she will be dressing just as fly as her Aunt A. I finally found the perfect pair which match both her mommy’s pumas and mine, are pink so The Future Mrs. My BMF will approve and….they were for the low low price of only $14. Score one for the home team! Needless to say I was pretty pumped, but being the shoe-hoor that I am I of course had to browse around a bit more…

While on the site, I clicked on the Heelys link just to see what they had. Honestly I have wanted a pair of these for years but could never justify spending 50 to 60 bones on a pair of shollerskates, I’m ridiculous, but not quite that level of ridiculous. Plus if you really wanted to talk about total cost you would have to add in my ER deductible, so basically we are talking about a $160 dollar pair of shollerskates. Honestly, you could probably buy a slightly used kidney for $160 on the black market or at the very least an asian baby. I digress. Much to my elation I stumbled upon a pair of Heelys for 22.75! SOLD!

Here I am four days later with no more coordination than that of asian baby, or any baby for that matter, and unwrapping a size 8 concussion. Here’s to short lines at the ER, wish me luck!

Say hello to super casual Friday

Pajama jeans? What?!? That's right. They are jeans that feel like sweatpants, or are they sweatpants that look like jeans. I don't know! But I do know one thing....pajama jeans = awesome.

If you thought casual Friday was a treat before, now you can pull the wool over your bosses eyes, he won't even know you wore sweatpants to work....they even have brass rivets that make them look like designer jeans!

Betcha didn’t know…

My dad watches Desperate Housewives.

The color of a Chicken’s earlobes determines the color of eggs it will lay.

Sunshine despite the rain

Ahhhh, back to within 153 miles of the southernmost point in the continental US, and it is glorious.

The weekend in Cold-lanta was in a word, full. However, when recanting my activities to those who have inquired about my weekend I stumbled a bit explaining why it was so full. I don’t know if my weekends are just normally so overcome by sitting on the couch that this weekend felt abnormally busy or if I am just forgetting things. There was definitely a trip to a microbrewery where we tasted some delicious beers and observed the mass number of white people in one of their natural environments (quite a bit of north face, and new balance up in that place!), ate some fantastic food, went bowling, did some shopping, picked out wedding invites for the My BFF & The Future Mrs. My BFF/Rogue Hand nuptials, and definitely sat in at least 3 Starbucks for upwards of one hour each time.

All in all it was a completely relaxing hectic weekend---oxymoron, yes. Truth be told I haven’t been that ‘busy’ on a weekend in what seems like a while but as my little body moved my mind actually got to slow down a bit, as it tends to do when I’m with those I hold close to my heart. It’s amazing the peace being around your bests can bring, and how easy it is to lose yourself, worries, and headaches in laughter. So, thanks to My BFF, The Gray Lining, and The Future Mrs. My BFF/Rogue Hand for a wonderful weekend.

And a very special thank you to The Gray Lining for waiting in line for three hours to get an autographed copy of Kathy Griffin’s book for me for Christmas. I don’t know what makes my heart happier, having it in my possession or knowing that you waited there bored out of your mind just to make me happy. I’ll count both as this year’s Christmas present.

The Gray Lining and Kathy Griffin. Hilarious!

Lookin all business in my suit...

The Snuggle Suit...sold at J.C. Penney's. For some reason I feel like if you were the female version of Barney Stinson you would own this.

AWE....Wait for it....SOME!

Shout out to the Ten-Key-Ninja for turning me on to this little gem and hopefully it will reside in my closet one day very soon. :)

If my life had a theme it would be…

You already know of my love for a finely crafted party invitation but that invitation only leads up to one of my other passions…themed parties. I would say that if you were to label my life with a theme it would be probably be “Themed”. I adore a good theme party and will take any excuse to have one, but I’ve also lived my life in a series of themes. Much like the “Summer of George”, there have definitely been seasons or years in my life that carry a certain theme about them. My current theme is TBA but I’m leaning towards ‘drama’ or maybe ‘change’. I’ll get back to you on that one.

This past weekend we had not one, but two theme parties. In my book that sounds like a pretty nice little weekend, granted we didn’t have enough time to stop by bed bath and beyond but it was still pretty damn sweet.

New Years Eve brought out everyone from flappers to hippies, to disco goers. The theme was a Throwback New Year and called for everyone to dress from a decade different from this one. No-Longer-Easy-E and I even did a costume change prior to midnight which sent me from being a 1960’s hippie/pimp?? to the little heard of white member of kris kross. No-Longer-Easy-E went from being a designing woman to a disco diva in the blink of an eye. I have never been prouder of my friends’ dedication to finding great themed outfits, or more shocked that the goodwill still had some of these things in them.

Saturday night was a belated celebration of Katrainwreck/The-Future-Mrs.-My-BMF’s birthday. She was kind enough to delay her b-day by a few days in order to allot people the necessary time to recover from New Years Eve (thanks for that by the way). The theme was CEO’s and Corporate Hoes. This usually would have been a phenomenal idea and pretty easy to accomplish but being that the sunshine state had more freezing temps than sunshine that particular weekend it made the task of dressing like a ‘hoe’ much more difficult. My planned tiny skirt got traded in for my pin striped pants and I paired it with my power suit jacket. I know, you’re thinking how could that be slutty, you probably looked like you were all business in your suit, but I quite literally paired my pants with my power suit jacket and that was it, I forewent the shirt that normally resides underneath the jacket to accomplish the ‘hoe’ look the theme called for. The faces of those involved in this party have been removed to protect the innocent but please enjoy the mass amount of cleavage displayed for your viewing pleasure (granted a lot of it was painted on thanks to some bronzer).

To wrap it up I’ll leave you with a tip….if you are talking and potentially getting hit on my a hot Canadian hockey player do not say “Oh, you’re from Canada, what’s that aboot?”, the Canadians do not like this and you will go home alone. That makes me sad and want some butterscotch.

New Year’s Resolution Progress

Days into 2010: 4
Naps taken in 2010: 3


I reek of success.

I’m a Gleek, what of it

This wed is the fall finale of Glee. I cannot begin to tell you how much this hurts my heart. Have you seen the show?!?

Truth be told in high school I would have probably been one of the kids who threw slushies in the faces of the glee club members but today, being a person with a much softer heart, and some maturity I am absolutely in love. This show is hilarious, has a plot line that pulls you in and makes you actually invested in the characters and it includes broadway music sung by actual broadway actors! Deep down I know I am half gay man and half 6 year old (the gay man in me is responsible for my deep felt appreciation of musicals, particular nature, and perfectly sculpted hair; the 6 year old picks out my clothes, is responsible for my inability to not laugh when someone says duty, and eating habits).

Alright, if you haven’t seen the show check out this promo --- And if you have seen it this is an amazing song from an absolutely amazing show (Wicked) I finally got to see this past year.

This post would not be complete unless I mention the actor who plays the teacher/glee club leader, Will Schuester. I think it was said best in the movie Knocked Up --

Allison- "I love your curly hair! It's great, do you use product or anything?"
Ben- "No...I use, uh, jew it's called"

The only thing I can attribute to my love for Will Shuester is his hair as I happen to know that the women in my family take a particular liking to anyone who uses that particular brand of product...we love us some jewish-fro's.

I don’t know what else to say…Glee I will miss you until we meet again in the spring. Until then I will rock out to your soundtrack in my car…I may be no Rachel Berry but I would still deserve a gold star next to my name after singing Don’t Stop Believing.

That's what she said

Jeopardy had "That's what she said" as a category last night.

Awesome.

You know what I love more than beer?!? Festivals of beer!

You know you drink a lot when three separate people text you to tell you that the Beer Festival got rescheduled.

And you thought rum only made me make bad decisions...

So, like all great ideas this one began with rum...well to be truthful it probably really began with mass amounts of beer since this story really began a while back...but that will all make sense in a bit.

This Friday evening began like any other, well not quite like any other because it didn't begin with a glass of sailor sitting on the beer shelf in my shower---sorry, I digress, back to the point---on this particular Friday I am planted firmly on the couch, glass of sailor next to me and a dvr full of this week's best television. With No Longer Easy E commandeering the television and weeding through this week's episodes of Oprah, I've been forced to find other ways to entertain myself, thus the rum induced great idea (and you thought rum only made me make bad decisions).

So I'm thinking, I have rum, a phone, and a computer. There are a plethora of options here. I can drunk dial, drunk text, drunk gmail chat, drunk facebook chat, see how much rum my computer can absorb before dying, see how much rum my phone can absorb before dying or....I can finally share with the world something that has brought me so much joy.

You see, over the course of the past several years I have shared cocktails, heart to hearts, laughter, beers, life stories, tears, and more cocktails with a friend I hold close to my heart, Intern. I have woken up after many of the nights filled with all the aforementioned things wishing I had it all on video or at least just audio recorded so I could laugh till I cried all over again. I don't have any A/V records of those nights but I do have the next best thing...I have several saved voicemails that I received when my friend and I had a thousand miles between us.

Is it all making sense now?!?...tonight began with rum....but those messages ladies and gents, those began with beer...mass amounts of beer consumed by none other than my favorite future doctor.

What follows is a message from Intern transcribed exactly from my voicemail. It has brought me happiness on days I've found myself a bit down, and made me laugh so much I would swear she was right next to me even though we were states apart. I hope you enjoy just as much as I have :)


"Coach, I have alcohol poisoning. (moan followed by a long pause) I dressed up as Sally O'Malley last night and did a lot of kicking, stretching and kicking and then I puked in the parking lot and then I passed out hugging the toilet when we got home. I woke up the morning in a tank top and my desert rose pants. (long pause) I wore my dance pants (dramatic pause) CAUSE I LIKE-A TO DANCE! I featured the camel toe. I made out with like three guys last night....allegedly. I think I'm still drunk. Alright, good talk." ~Intern

The 3rd Annual Amazing Race Fort Myers Beach

This weekend was the 2009 Amazing Race Fort Myers Beach, an annual event in its 3rd year. For those of you not too familiar with the Amazing Race, it is a two hour photo scavenger hunt that requires teams of two to make their way around Fort Myers Beach performing sometimes difficult, sometimes hilarious, and sometimes just plain silly tasks. The winner gets nothing but bragging rights and a buzz but it is always a great time and has allotted many of us the opportunity to see parts of the beach we otherwise wouldn’t or just plain don’t take the time to normally appreciate.

Here’s a little sampling of this year’s tasks:

Got Game....play a game at the new arcade.

(As it turns out the new arcade was not open but that didn't stop Sweet Little Baby Doll JT from showing he's got game.)

Read all about it...find the Island Sandpaper and check out the back page girl- get a stranger to recreat the scene and pose.

Motion of the Ocean...Hula hoop out in front of Hooters

Get a Leg Up...Find five people to join one of your teammates in a chorus line-high kicks and all!

And a personal favorite....

I like mine "All the Way"...order a hash brown smothered and covered and if they don't have that, enjoy a beer at the Surf Club's new location.

The winner was crowned (that was A & E by the way!), and the party continued at our house with rounds of survivor flippy cup and beer pong. Needless to say this old lady was in bed by 10, and Sunday was spent recovering from an Amazing Amazing Race Fort Myers Beach.