Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Very Skype Christmas

The stockings were hung by the tv (its swfl, we don't really have chimneys) with care, we were all snuggled in our beds, with visions of waking up without hangovers in our heads. Christmas this year reminded me yet again why mine is a wonderful life. This year I stayed south to avoid the blizzard like conditions the yanks have been experiencing as of late. I was invited over to a friend's house to celebrate the holiday and quickly accepted the invitation after learning that their Irish lineage was not taken lightly and that Christmas Eve would be much like the Christmas Eve of my developmental years.

Over the years I've learned that its quite a gamble to partake in other family's Holiday celebrations. Several years ago we got the call that Christmas was canceled due to a snow storm that blew in just two days before Christmas. This left The Gray Lining and I over an hour from my parents house with no plans for the holiday. This was the first time I accepted an invite from a friend, and what I swore would be my last. It may not seem that terrible, but being stuck in a snow storm with the an friend's extended family watching home movies for 6 hours was far from the Christmas I knew and loved...our kind of Christmas meant beer stayed cold outside on the porch, pool games were played, at least one person went to midnight mass with a buzz, and undoubtedly my dad (this only happens once a year) got poop faced and reminded me that the ability to drunkenly ramble about topics no normal person discusses was in fact hereditary.

Since that time I have went back on my pledge to avoid spending Christmas with another family out of lack of other options, always thinking that this time around it would be fantastic. Sometimes I despise my optimistic "the glass is half full of egg nog" attitude. After my last optimistic Christmas attempt (The year I call "A Very Jewish Christmas") you would think I would have turned down the invite as quickly as it was delivered, but alas I did not and for once it worked. Thank you to my adoptive family this Christmas, for making sure my glass was never half full but always full, for the laughter, for bearing with me even when I thought my mom had finally lost it and just wrapped stuff she found in the house to give me for Christmas, but mostly for inviting me into your home and making my 'home' feel not so far away.

After my very Irish Christmas I got home just a quick as holiday traffic would let Bruce drive to skype with the family as they opened presents. No one in my family had ever used skype before which made for an interesting experience...for the first 5 minutes they either did not have a microphone hooked up or they had it muted. I realized this, they did not. Once we finally got sound going Momma felt it was necessary to put her mouth directly on the microphone to speak to me, or if I could get her to back away from the computer she insisted on yelling. I tried to communicate to her that I could hear not only her if she spoke at a normal volume but also every person in the room whether they were 2 or 10 feet away. My attempts at communication were thwarted by my inability to talk over her. Over the course of the two hour skyping experience I got left alone to talk to the wall by everyone in my family twice, got taken on a walking tour of my childhood home (as if it were the first time I'd ever seen it decorated for Christmas), and sang a Christmas carol so my dad could do a sound check.

In the end, despite technical and Momma difficulties, I have a feeling skyping will become a regular thing at the homestead. In years past I have called the fam on Christmas as they've opened presents but there is little replacement for being able to see momma's eyes well up when she opened my gift, or see The Gray Lining stick her tongue out when Momma tells her to quiet down so she can talk to her favorite. My apologies to all that have asked for not video taping this skype experience, I'm sure it would have gone viral in seconds and momma could have been famous...but then again I'm not sure the world is ready for that.

I hope you and yours had as wonderful and merry Christmas as I did.

It's Santa!

SLBDJT telling Santa what he wants for Christmas

Thursday, December 23, 2010

All I want for Christmas is...

  • Tuxedo to start covering up her dookies in the litter box
  • the coordination to actually use my heeleys
  • a waffle maker
  • a white IU hat
  • a Flowbee
  • Taboo
  • blue bamboo sheets, queen size
  • extreme lipo dissolve
  • a new domino set
  • Easy E's balls in my mouth, I can't get enough of her delicious balls
  • a Roomba
  • the book "Seven Gothic Tales"
  • a winning IU b-ball season
  • Flavor Flav to learn how to use his claws
  • someone to stain my entertainment center for me
  • a merry day for those I love most

I'm not sure how my Christmas list will play out this year, pretty sure I'm not getting a flowbee, or a roomba but a girl can dream can't she? I am fairly sure that The Gray Lining got me a cat, which means that I need to find someone, fall in love, and get them to move in pronto according to my very own non-scientific, non-research based theory that the maximum allowable cat to person ratio is 2-1. You might be thinking, easier said than done- you would be correct, especially considering I have just recently warmed up to the idea of potentially dating. A year ago saying the word 'dating' would have been very quickly followed by just the tiniest bit of vom. I know, I had the same reaction to the thought of dating as most people have to two girls one cup. Don't judge. Typing the words "love", and "move in" just made me a little queasy, so to The Gray Lining, please take note that nowhere on my Christmas list will you find "another kitten", or "become a creepy cat lady".

Whatever is on your list this year, I hope it finds its way under your tree, and if you're like me and one of the boxes is meowing maybe forget to open that one. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good stiff cocktail. All of mine this wonderful holiday season :)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Still don't know what to get for a couple in your life?

Before the snuggie few of us ever asked for a blanket with sleeves, but that was because we forgot how to dream....

While browsing around Borders looking for my next best read, as I all too often do on my lunch hour, I stumbled upon this little gem.

Browsing quickly turned to buying, and it was off to find a steelers snuggie to complete this perfect gift for My BMF and Mrs. My BMF. So, if you find yourself in these last days before christmas wondering just what would be the perfect gift for a couple in your life...you're welcome. Happy Slanket shopping my friends.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I just wanna stay warm...and still be able to type

One of my co-workers told me I looked homeless today.....

As a side note, I'm pretty sure its going to snow in SWFL today.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Have a jolly holly tacky christmas...

Some may remember last year around this time when I talked about our work Christmas party and how in the naughty elf ornament exchange I was bamboozled and ended up with what was quite possibly the most heinous ornament I had ever laid my very own gleaming greens on. In case you decided to have your own life in the past year and don't seem to remember the finer details of mine here is a little reminder.

This year we went with the theme of tacky ornaments, after last years ab workout from laughing so much. One of my favorite co-workers and consequently the same girl who purchased the giant glittery ball last year did not disappoint and of course I once again ended up with her ornament. I think it will go marvelously on the tree next to last years 'prize'.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

With age comes wisdom....and a need for periodic naps

What I learned this past weekend....

The comedic ensemble of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider = two hours and $1 I will never get back. Previews, f-in previews.

Through no choosing of my own, I am apparently a Florida State Fan.

Momma and John F were lying. Money does grow on trees...well maybe not, but def on tomato plants cause I found a penny in the pot. Makes me wonder if that whole thing about them not being able to see to drive with the overhead light on in the car was true or not.