Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Bad Acid Trip

When I was in college I would make periodic weekend trips home to visit my parents (aka steal groceries and do laundry for free). On these trips I would spend much of my time chit chatting with momma over cocktails or ditching my p.o.s. for one of their much nicer cars to head into town to visit friends that still lived back home. My dad was always a bit of ghost during these trips and almost immediately as I pulled in he would head out to the driveway and lift the hood of my car to 'tinker', or at least that's what momma called it.

Today I realized my dad probably wasn't 'tinkering' so much as he was doing regular vehicle maintenance. Now I am not so delusional to believe that the magic car fairy just came and made sure things were in tip top shape at night while I rested my pretty little head on my pillow but at the risk of setting back the feminist movement a few years I will say that the only time I have opened the hood of my car since I've owned it was when something was wrong, and I have been known to turn up the radio to drown out unfamiliar noises my different cars have made over the years. Is it so wrong to think that they people who change my oil might point out other visible problems such as low break fluid or battery corrosion so that they can charge me $46.95 to do something that I could do myself in 2 minutes for under $10? Apparently it was wrong. Lets start from the beginning...

Last April, SLBDJT and I were at Relay for Life setting up our tent while listening to some jams on Bruce's radio. I guess it took a little longer to set up the tent than we imagined it would because when I went to start Bruce up he just made a sad click click click noise. No problem, SLBDJT gave me a jump and recommended that I get my battery checked because I had owned Bruce for 3 years and told me that once you let a battery go dead like that it can happen easier in the future. Well, it is now January, nine whole months later and that little bit of wisdom just slipped my mind and why wouldn't it, he's started like a champ each and every time I've turned his key since that day....until Friday. It was camping weekend and there I was out in the sticks going in to register us and not five minutes later I came out and Bruce's battery was flat lined. Lucky for us SPBDJT was only about 5 minutes away and once again he came to Bruce's rescue. After this little incident I promised myself and SLBDJT I would get a new battery this week.

Being that I have never changed my battery before I enlisted the help of a few manly co-workers, and by help I mean I watched while they worked, and took some abuse to my intelligence level due to the large amount of corrosion that my battery had on it. Three hours, a trip to napa auto parts, a trip to advanced auto, some battery acid in the eye, a new battery, and a new battery terminal (I think that's what they said it was called) later and Bruce is up and running as good as new. All it cost me was $100, and a good amount of guilt should steve-o end up going blind.

I feel like I should thank my dad for all the 'tinkering' and also encourage all my friends who are currently dads to show their little girls how to do some of this stuff so they don't depend on the magic car fairy to take care of things when they get out on their own. Good talk, now off to bake steve-o some "sorry I blinded you" cookies.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Stupid wobbly earth

My world is in shambles. For my entire life I have been identifying with the astrological sign of cancer, now come to find out some astronomer from Minnesota tweeted or some shit that due to our earth being wobbly while its spinning that I've been living a lie and I'm actually a gemini. I'm forecasting some significant changes in my personality....and potentially my pickup lines....time for some research.

Turns out my element is now Air and not Water, or even Honda for that matter. This is looking bad already, I have the word water tattooed on my body, granted it had nothing to do with my astrological sign but thinking now I am now foreseeing a lot more people suffering from tattoo regret and joining those who thought they were getting 'trust' tattooed on them in Japanese and ending up with something like 'taco' instead.

On top of that it turns out I need to change my life's pursuit from reassurance and intimacy to just a little bit of everything. Essentially, I need to be flighty. Not sure how that is going to work out for a planner like me but if the stars say so, I guess it must be. Basically, look out for a mischievous, sporadic, financially irresponsible person with an interest in foreign languages, that apparently other people like to talk about. Far stretch from the compassionate, charming, fiscally responsible person I was yesterday.

I knew nothing good could ever come out of Minnesota.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Sunny with a Chance of Awesome

Or at least that was the forecast in my head for the New Year and of course it's Eve. My new year's eve was about as normal as anyone's: spent time with good friends, cocktails, ate good food, got stuck in a tree, cocktails, slipped on my velvet tuxedo, cocktails, dancing, saw the clock tick down and the fireworks go off, cocktails, dancing, and of course a midnight snack.

While there's plenty to discuss there such as the getting stuck in a tree (thanks My BMF who clumsily came to my rescue), donning a velvet tuxedo (met some British guys who told me that Americans dress like rubbish and they liked my 'style', yeah they had a few cocktails), I will just talk a bit more about my midnight snack.

After all the fun to be had at the watering holes was had we made the trek to the only open eatery, Bobby's Roast Beef. After arriving we fought our way through the crowd and ordered the roast beef....which they were out of. Seriously? Your restaurant is called Bobby's ROAST BEEF. We should have stopped when they told us they were out of roast beef, but we didn't' we said "Well, what do you have?" that's like saying- "Give me what no one else has ordered tonight, give me what no one else will eat." We ended up with what was called pulled pork bbq but what I assure you did not taste like pulled pork bbq, and consequently I woke up not feeling so wonderful in the tummy area. Bobby's Roast Beef reminds me of a place in college we used to eat at called Taco Don Chueys, which loosely translates to Jesus's Tacos. They seemed so very delicious at 3am but when you woke up you cursed Jesus and his deceptively delicious tacos and monterey jack queso dipping sauce. Once I was so excited to eat the "deliciousness" that was a Jesus's taco that I ate half of it before I realized it was still wrapped in the grease soaked wax paper. Shouldn't this say something? Granted i was a wee bit intoxicated, but I could NOT tell the difference between a taco and a taco wrapped in wax paper. One apparently tasted as good as the other.

Happy New Year! Perhaps I should resolve to avoid eateries that stay open until 4am....hmmmm....nah.