Thursday, May 27, 2010

I am A.J.

Its been three weeks since Little A opened her big (perhaps) blue eyes and joined us here in the world outside her momma's belly. You know I actually received several congrats on becoming an Aunt. I'm not really sure if people think I actually had anything to do with the baby being born, or that I put a lot of hard work into it, but I thanked them anyway.

After a week of Mommy, Daddy and AJ time to themselves I figured it was about time to go snuggle the tiniest member of my extended family....that was until two people in my office told me they had the pox. Adult chicken pox to be specific. I was under the belief that once you itched your ass off as a child you were forever free from a round two. I was wrong. Apparently adult chicken pox is hard to diagnose if it is round two for you and no doctor or health department would say you definitely had them, only that you might. They are apparently milder and look more like very tiny, hardly itchy bug bites. With this news and the discovery of some mildly itchy spots on my back, which very likely came from a camping trip the weekend prior but went unnoticed, I said my first out of hospital hello to little A from a distance of 10 feet and through the germ fighting barrier of a screened door. Better safe than sorry right???

After a quarantined week symptom free Little A and I finally got to have our faux hawks unite. After snuggling down in the rocking chair we took a bit to stare at how dangerously good looking the other is. Then we practiced saying our names "Aaaaaaaaa", I also let her know that I will qualify "Aaaaahhhhhh". Finally we had a nice discussion about how while in Aunt A's arms there will be no pukies and no poopies. We had a minor disagreement about the later. Being that Little A is not exactly talking she 'voiced' her disagreement with a shart. Its amazing how something so tiny, and so wonderfully perfect can make such a crude and disgusting noise and smell. I honestly felt her bottom half shake.

Later in the visit after Little A had her 50th meal of the day she started making what is known as 'poopie faces'. I guess when she normally makes this face a poop is on deck and its on its way out pronto. This poo however wasn't expedited so the baby was passed to me, as I apparently make the poopies come.

Couldn't I be the one who makes the baby stop crying?

My first reaction to her baby photo shoot...muy bonita. Second she wearing lip gloss?!? (the answer was no, just naturally good looking)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Things that make you go hmmmm....Update

Due to a recent post The Gray Lining is no longer referring to all phones that are internet capable as "iphones". She is now calling them "internet phones". To clarify....As in, "Patty Cakes said if we move into a less expensive place I can get one of those internet phones? "

Def. makes you sound more intelligent.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Hard at work, or Hardly working?

Millions of people across the world are getting paid by their respective places of employment to play pacman on Google's home page today.

Case in point----

Kissy Faced Booty Shaker: "I think I have carpal tunnel"
"From playing pacman?"
Kissy Faced Booty Shaker: "On google. Yes"
A: "and you just made my blog"
Kissy Faced Booty Shaker: "shit"

Thursday, May 13, 2010

As Momma says, I may be old, but I'm not dead yet.

I suppose I have always been a late bloomer. I didn’t lose all my baby teeth until I was fifteen, my first kiss came in eighth grade, my bra size until the age of 22 was literally “Nearly an A”, and at the ripe old age of 28 I am teething. While I’m not sure if teething is the appropriate term for getting your first wisdom tooth, I am sure that it hurts like a biznatch. Consequently I would adore one of those little ring things you freeze and then num num on, or what I have been told the adult form of one of those is, vicodin. I have neither.

It might be the short stature, my attire which is comparable to that of a 15 year old boy, or the baby face that has somehow avoided skin damage even though I refuse to use sunscreen, but with my 29th (shudder) birthday looming I still get mistaken for an 18 year old. People say that someday I would take being mistaken for much younger than I am as a compliment. Truth be told, at times it is an annoyance but for the most part I have never minded it and have truly enjoyed my ‘youth’ and will continue to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. I really do nothing to hold on to it, no visits to the fountain, no makeup to cover emerging wrinkles, no trips to the salon to cover up the grays. What is it from that Kenny Chesney song, “You treat your body like a temple, I treat mine like a tent.”? That pretty much sums it up.

The fact of the matter is that I don’t feel older, at least mentally, and I like to think that has something to do with my often mistaken youth. I still enjoy the same things that I always have. Monday my lunch menu consisted of a lunchable, a brownie, a snack size bag of Doritos, and a pack of fruit snacks. Yes, I realize I was lacking a Capri sun, but Momma doesn’t pack my lunch anymore and I forgot it in the fridge. I spent last Sunday at the water park, shooting out of water slides into a pool which I'm sure was filled with a bunch of 8 year old's urine, only taking a break to suck down a blue raspberry Icee. I adore naps, and love recess, granted they call it physical training (P.T.) but playing basketball at work is recess to me. Basically, I'm a huge believer that you're as young as you feel. So next month, do me a favor and wish me a happy 26th.

Nature's Original

This morning on the way into work my boss stopped at a local grower’s fruit and vegetable stand and picked up some fresh veggies. When he does this he usually buys a few extras and he typically offers me a few items. I assume he does this because he sees me as the ‘kid’ in the office and in a parenting type of role wants to assure that I am eating at least a few things here and there that have some sort of nutritional value. I am always appreciative of these little acts of caring, and am definitely happy to have some veggies every once in a while that were grown in a garden as opposed to a corporate farm where vegetables are full of all sorts of interesting chemicals. Usually after getting my goods I pack them away in a plastic bag and put them under my desk or toss them in my messenger bag but today for some reason I left them sitting on my desk. One not one, but two, separate occasions someone has said “What do you have going on there? Looks like you’re in for an interesting weekend with your roommate out of town.”

Seriously? That squash is huge!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Things that make ya go hmm....

The Gray Lining refers to any phone with the internet on it as an iphone.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Little A, Big World

Little A Rocking her First Faux Hawk!

Welcome to the world Little A! It seems as if we have been waiting for you forever. I know we've had some chats but I've probably sounded more like Charlie Brown's teacher (I know you won't get that reference because you're too young but someday you will watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and you'll be with me) than anything else while you were in your mom's belly. So... I thought I might start you off right with some words of wisdom, Aunt A style. I figure you'll probably be a follower on my blog pretty soon assuming you have inherited your moms big ol' dinosaur brains. Enjoy little one. All of mine.

When you drink way way way too much, and you will, (hopefully a long, long, long time from now) never eat one of your favorite foods, you will get sick and forever associate that food with that night and you will never want to eat it again.

While I think it’s right and true for one to pick their own political affiliation, I loved you before you were even born, and I want to carry that love for you for all of time. Thus, you are a democrat.

Your parents are not always going to be right, but when it comes to you they will be thinking with their hearts most of the time. Don’t wait until you are in your 20’s to realize what fantastic people they are.

Never start smoking, I know it looks cool and everything, but you’ll regret it later.

I know you’ll think he’s a big dork but your dad is one of the funniest and most charismatic people I’ve ever met. Take that from him and it will take you far in life, in work, in love, and in friendships.

Be a cat person.

Have your dad teach you how to change a tire yourself, and then have your mom teach you to bat your pretty eyes so you’ll never actually have to do it yourself.

Play a sport because you want to and because you love it, not because it’s what others want you to do. Aka- no matter what your dad (or mom) says you do not have to ride dirt bikes, or play lacrosse unless you love it.

Bitches be crazy.

Make mistakes, jump off roofs, and get dirty when you’re young enough for your heart to heal quickly, when you’re bones are still bendy, and when you still have your parents to wash your clothes for you.

What makes you different and maybe even weird as a kid will be what makes people think you are amazing as you become an adult. Embrace your differences; whether it’s your unique name, a tulip shaped nose, or your quirky laugh.

When you love someone tell them every chance you get.

Try to be happy 95% of the time. All but that 5% of the time you can find a silver lining, you might just have to look a bit harder than others are willing to.

Go away for college, preferably to the public Harvard of the midwest, just sayin' IU is a good choice no matter what your State loving mom says.