Friday, June 25, 2010

Slip and bruise your...

According to the Kissy Faced Booty Shaker a slip and slide isn't something you should skimp I bought the $9 instead of the $5. We'll see how it works out at the Redneck Games and Hillbilly Bash tomorrow.

I also picked up a 6 pack of Smirnoff Ice...guess we'll find out what party goers actually read this fine blog and bring a blocker tomorrow.

Updates from the birthday bash to follow!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Once upon a prevening monsoon...

Florida weather never ceases to amaze me. Yesterday morning on the news the weather man, um I'm sorry the Meteorologist, provided some technical weather explanation involving wind and several contradicting hand motions to me and the rest of the viewing public. Here's the thing, I don't really require the aforementioned hand gestures, nor do I need to know what type of pressure system is building or breaking. What I require and what I heard thanks to my keen ability to block out the dull and mundane is "blah, blah, wind, blah, blah, its not going to rain today". Clearly the absence of a prevening thunderstorm, made me just as pleased as punch, a bit because lightening storms are not awesome in my line of work and tend to keep me here past normal business hours, but mostly because I lack good vision and driving home in inclement weather is not a joy of mine.

I think yesterday the meteorologist may have accidentally made an upward hand gesture when he should have made a downward hand gesture, because at about 10 till 5 the skys opened up over our sleepy little town and dumped some buckets on us. Amazingly enough, had I worked 3 miles to the north, south, eat or west of the building I actually work in, I would have thought that weather man really knew his stuff...but alas I do not. I made a mad dash out of the building hopping, unsuccessfully i might add, over puddle after puddle, jumped in my car and assessed the damage. Wet shoes, wet socks, every square inch of my drivers side was rain spotted. It was almost as if the rain was not coming from the sky but being shot out of a giant squirt gun as the horizontal rain peppered Bruce's drivers side window. I drove home white knuckled, butt scooted up to the front of the seat so I was sitting about as close to the windshield as Momma, squinting out the white lines and hugging as close to them as possible. Ten minutes later I began to see the sunshine Florida is famous for and I was able to ease back into a normal, more comfortable driving position, or what my momma calls, 'laying down while driving'. It occurred to me at this point that in the 2 years and 11 months that I've owned Bruce, I haven't changed the windshield wipers. Being the detective that I am I deduced that this is in fact the reason the rain is not so much wiped from my windshield when I drive, but more smeared across it.

One quick stop at Walmart later and I not only purchased a couple new blades but also learned that these should technically be changed every six months, or at the very least once a year. Who knew. The weather man says no rain today so I don't know if I'll get to try them out but you never know.

Monday, June 21, 2010

You just got "Iced"

This past weekend No Longer Easy E, Sweet Little Baby Doll JT, and I decided to take a real simple staycation in beautiful Islamorada. First off let me just say that I love when decisions are made after a few cocktails, and I love it even more when those decisions result in mini holidays. Secondly, I love how when I go on vacation I go to the beach, considering I live...on the beach. Nonetheless, Friday afternoon we drove 3 hours closer to the equator.

After arriving to our very own Kapua suite we had a quick dinner and headed to the resort tiki bar. It wasn't long before we found out that the tiki bar we had set up shop at was closing at 11pm. Shortly after assessing our situation, No Longer Easy E and SLBDJT took this early closing time as a cue to make it a cocktail night instead of a beer night. Not much longer after that decision was made a group of guys on vacation from Texas arrived and proceeded to convince, through promise of a large monetary gain, the bartender to stay open until around 3 am. Suddenly the aforementioned decision appeared to be not the correct one.

We learned a couple things over the course of the evening....

1. I reaffirmed the fact that accents mesmerize me.
b. SLBDJT needs more 'man friends'.
3. That we should always have a Smirnoff Ice on our person.

I know what you're thinking...obviously, obviously, and what?!? That's right, after this weekend I'm pretty sure SLBDJT is carrying a lukewarm Smirnoff Ice in his suit jacket today at work. Ok, maybe not at work but he probably has one under the seat of his car so he can be ready in case another bro tries to "ice him". Apparently, there is a new drinking game sweeping our fine in which you pull a Smirnoff Ice out of your pocket, hand it to your bro and he then gets down on one knee like the b*#ch he is and chugs it. The only thing that can save you from being "Iced" is to also carry a Smirnoff Ice around with you and when you are presented with a Smirnoff Ice (aka Iced) you pull out your very own Smirnoff and block it. At that point the person who tried to Ice you has to chug both of them.

This may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard of, and I'm fairly confident that either some frat hole or perhaps Smirnoff themselves in some brilliant marketing scheme came up with it. Have you ever drank Smirnoff ice? Maybe when you were 14? I swear you can't order one of those things and not get carded, yet there were 15 grown men buying it like it was going out of style and Icing each other.

The moral of this story is....after watching the hilarity of this unfold, and seeing SLBDJT get Iced, I might pick up a six pack....really, I got dared to bong one of those things once in college....after that experience I definitely see a strong need to carry a blocker.

Did you just get Iced?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I reek of success....and meatball sub

It's been about three years and probably eight seasons since "I'd Hit That" first stepped onto a softball field as a team. In that time, we've seen our share of loses and wholly formed the team motto of 'Aim for the middle'. It's like this, I like to set goals that are attainable, for example: shower in the morning before work; that might not seem like a goal but more of a given nonetheless everyday I start out by accomplishing something--I choose to set the bar low and rise on up throughout my day. In that spirit, going for that 500 has been working for us for a number of seasons. In fact we haven't held up a number lower than 5 (usually out of 6 teams) in our season ending team picture in as long as I can remember.

This year something changed...evolution takes years. I mean, if the appendix takes centuries to go from being an integral cog in our digestive system to what is now an tiny pouch that serves no purpose but to periodically burst and almost kill us, then a group of misfits who would be eligible for winning nothing aside from best team name could win a championship...if given enough time.

Perhaps we evolved, perhaps it was a fluke, perhaps the moon was aligned just right..I mean hell, the Blackhawks won a championship the same night. What I do know is that every once in a while the sky opens up and a beautiful beam of sunshine lands on shit.

Congrats "I'd Hit That", it was a landmark season.

Your's in coaching omnipotence,


Friday, June 4, 2010

The first rule of fight club is...

I haven't been sleeping all that well as of late. More specifically I haven't drifted off to dreamland before the 2am hour all week. It seems as if I'm exhausted, but just can't fall asleep. I was telling The Gray Lining about my sleeping troubles and she thinks I might have insomnia, which worries her....not for any health reason, but because shes afraid I will start a fight club.

Here's to hoping many nights full of sleep are to follow because I think I just broke the first rule of fight club.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

E-U-O-N-Y-M .... EUONYM !!!!

Its that time of year again....the Scripps National Spelling Bee...What! What!

Here's a short clip of my all time favorite winner, Rebecca Sealfon. She embodies badassness (at least in the spelling world), even though she denied my friend request on facebook.

A short note to No Longer Easy E....I am deeply saddened that we will not be able to continue our tradition of the Scripps National Spelling Bee Drinking game this year due to our conflicting travel schedules. Even though the game as it originated only made us feel stupid, it blossomed into a wonderful evening where you don't have to be able to spell to be a winner, you just be able to look at a kid and guess if they can spell. Perhaps next year we can do it over skype, if you're not too busy trying to be a doctor.