Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The path to a heatwave

1. Put on super sexy bike shorts.
2. Jump on GT and ride for around 3 blocks.
3. Realize that its so hot outside both you and the tires on your GT are melting.
4. Turn around.
5. Check yourself out in the mirror in your super sexy bike shorts.
6. Scoff at those who say you have no booty.
7. Realize its not your booty you see but instead the padding in the super sexy bike shorts.
8. Log onto
9. Buy spinning bike you've been eyeballing.
10. Wait 7-10 business days.
11. Take spinning bike parts out of the box.
12. Forget about putting the spinning bike together because its the freaking weekend baby and you about to have you some fun.
13. Put together spinning bike despite your hangover.
14. Put on super sexy bike shorts.
15. Ride spinning bike for 45 minutes.
16. Walk around the next day like someone bent you over a barrel and showed you the 50 states because you're not used to sitting on a bike seat.
17. Consider ordering one of these:

18. Play through the pain.
19. Bask as others marvel at your high level of fitness or your super sexy bike's hard to tell.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Boom Boom Boom, Let me hear you say....

A wonderful convo, based on this masterpiece:

me: i made a breakfast scramble i have no recollection of cooking and eating on sat night. no injuries sustained, boom boom boom

Ten Key Ninja: now let me here you say "whey - ho" wtf is up with that girl! she butchered my favorite jock jams song!

me: she owned that song, and don't you say otherwise. that was bad ace. i will be stealing her dance moves. whey-ooooo

Ten Key Ninja: haha, they're pretty sweet moves. i especially like her ad-libbing, i.e. "sing along with me" and her putting her hand to her ear, as if she would actually be able to hear you "singing" along

me: yeah, its good stuff

Ten Key Ninja: why did she have to read the screen? she was just saying the same thing over and over...she didn't even rap the hard part, which would have been even more amusing on top of the wheyying and the ohhing

me: to keep the beat. i assume her whiteness disabled her to do this on her own

Can I get an H!

So....I've been in a bit of a dry slump lately. Oh, what a difference a couple of letters in that sentence could make, if I had been in a bit of a dry hump instead of a slump I'd be relatively happy and not frustrated in the least, of course an sl instead of an h means some words for you to read right here on this fine soapbox I call my blog. Silver lining :)

As of late my life has been more like the Rebecca Black song about Friday as opposed to the Katy Perry song about Friday. Its been more of a "gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal, tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes after....wards". I mean I still don't want the weekend to end but it's no "Is this a hickie or a bruise, streaking in the park, skinny dipping in the dark whoa-oh-oah" kind of Friday night.

I'm not going to specify how long this dry slump has been, cause I'm classy. But since the beginning of the slump there has been no more than a little kissin', and I don't even know if I should count it. Like, if this person was a Christmas ornament, you would hang em on the back of the tree. Not the best looking, not something you want to display to your friends, but still made the cut...after a few glasses of nog. Maybe you put this particular ornament on the bottom of the tree in the back, near the electrical outlets, just in case there is a fire it would be the first to go. I guess I'm sayin, no one would miss it.

I can't complain too much, as I found out last night one of my friends hasn't started her ump with an H since 2010...that's a completely different year than we are currently in! Well, I'm out there looking for love, perhaps though in all the wrong places. Seeing as the last person I went on a 'date' with asked me I was super healthy because I ordered a green tea frappuccino, apparently if a beverage is green like a vegetable it must taste yucky and have lots of gross healthy vitamins in it. Is the logic lost on you? Yeah, me too. I also used the word sedentary, which in hindsight I realize is a 'big' word but a little advice, if you are on a date with someone and they use a word you don't understand you have a couple options: 1. decipher its meaning by the context in which it was used 2. react how they react (if they laugh then you laugh, etc) then look it up when you get home 3. ask them what it means. Two of those options are acceptable, one is not. If you can't figure out which one is not, then I'm super happy I've never been on a date with you.

Oh, as a side note I have a new favorite time waster...pinterest is out (not really, its still bad ace) and My Drunk Kitchen is in. Be still my hannah Hart (winky face emoticon). It's wonderful and fantastic and you will love it, promise.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Ripped from the headlines...and by headlines I mean my Gmail Chat

The following is an actual conversation which took place between the Ten Key Ninja and I. It lasted for over 20 minutes, I don't know what else to say. At least I didn't post the 10 minute conversation about 'planking' that took place afterwards.

me: have you ever taped your thumbs to your hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur

Ten Key Ninja: i can't say that i have. have you? are you doing it right now?

me: no, that would be weird. i'm a professional Ten Key Ninja

Ten Key Ninja: that would be weird :) so am I, but i never know what you're doing over there

me: true

Ten Key Ninja: it wouldn't shock me if you were sitting there, trying to type without thumbs. i just tried to type without using my thumbs...that space bar is a real bitch. you have to concentrate much harder

me: how about you step outside of your comfort zone and see what its like to be a dinosaur

Ten Key Ninja: doesn't necessarily mean my thumbs are taped together.. just not using them

me: i bet you just take your thumbs for granted

Ten Key Ninja: maybe you should try to be a dinosaur too

me: who says i haven’t, just not at work

Ten Key Ninja: i have a hard time believing you've sat at home and changed the tv channels or drank your cocktails, pretending to not have thumbs

me: well believe it baby. the tv is easy. cocktail, only if you have a straw

Ten Key Ninja: how about texting?

me: why are you so curious

Ten Key Ninja: oh..just getting a feel for what it's like to be a dinosaur

me: try it yourself if you're so curious. experience life Ten Key Ninja

Ten Key Ninja: you're right...everyone should really experience life, as an extinct creature

Ten Key Ninja: which dinosaur would you be...i mean, if you had to pick one

me: hm, thats a thinker. maybe like a Bagaceratops. cause its name is funny, it has a horn, and its nice. its hard to tell though

Ten Key Ninja: yeah..i would probably a triceratops or a velociraptor

me: those are mean

Ten Key Ninja: well if i'm going to be a dinosaur, i need to live a little. try something new, like being mean/aggressive

me: wow, dinosaur me and you would not be friends

Ten Key Ninja: dinosaur you would need dinosaur me for protection

me: i'd be chilling, hippie like dinosaur, eating some tree and you'd be spitting in people’s faces and blinding them so you could eat them. note my vast knowledge of dinosaurs comes from Jurassic Park I and II

Ten Key Ninja: sounds like it

me: i'm not entirely confident, that being said, that what i know is accurate

Ten Key Ninja: my first choice of dinosaur would be the triceratops. it was always my favorite

since the land before time. her name was sara and she was nice

me: land before time. i guess that is a better movie to think of

Ten Key Ninja: that's usually how i think of dinos

me: i like to think of my dinosaurs with big angel wings, singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd, with like an angel band...and i'm in the front row and i'm hammered drunk. thats how i usually think of them, well that, or Jurassic park

Ten Key Ninja: :) if dinosaurs sang lead vocals, they would have to have one of those headset microphones

me: of course, like Brittany Spears

Hey Girl Hey

Pretty sure I met Tila Tequila in a Starbucks this weekend...or maybe it was a life size bratz doll. Hmmm...hard to tell, I may never know.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Where was this game when I was a kid?

Because I could have been way better at beer pong by the time college rolled around.

Yes, Beer Pong, I mean, Cuponk, a cup + ping pong balls does = rock. Glad kids can learn that lesson early.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Tastes like freedom

Last week while poking around the good old interweb I found a 4th of July cake on 17 and baking and said to myself "Self, this intricate cake looks like something that could really frustrate you, why not try to make it this weekend." And so it was.

On this fine weekend of independence celebration I, being the dedicated employee that I am, scheduled myself to work on Saturday. With that, I knew that I was going to avoid the imminent hangover that Friday night trivia usually assures and I would be fully capable of actually accomplishing something on Saturday after finishing with work. With rain in the forecast for all of Saturday, this little cake seemed to be the perfect accomplishment to tackle.

If you'd like to make this yourself, 17 and baking gives a pretty good description, or you can check out my step by step guide below :) I'd make the assumption that you could rock this type of cake for other holidays like cinco de mayo, just change up the flag on the inside, I don't know, use your imagination :)

I essentially used 2 cake mix's and made Three 8 inch round cakes (1 red, 1 white, and 1 blue, made by a little food coloring added to vanilla cake) and two 4 inch round cakes (1 red and 1 white). My blue layer was a bit thicker, which makes more sense below.

Start with the 8 inch white then the 8 Inch red with a layer of icing in-between.

Taste test to assure deliciousness ;)

And the only really tricky part is cutting out a 4 inch whole in the middle of the blue layer and making sure your 4 inch red and white cakes when put together are the same height as your blue layer because they will fill in the hole. Like so :)

Then put on your fav icing. I used cream cheese because it's yummo. To make the outside of the cake look as freedom filled as the inside I added strawberries which were dipped in white chocolate and blue sugar sprinkles.

Bask in your creativeness and Enjoy!
Last but certainly not least, have a nap, you worked really hard.