Definitely just buying a ticket home next year

Skype is a wonderful invention if you enjoy not drinking by yourself on a Friday night. That is all it is good for.

So, this year I once again skyped with my family on Christmas morning (which to them is 1:40pm). Momma now has learned that she need not put her mouth directly on the microphone to speak to me, but she still has not grasped the concept of using your normal or "inside" voice. This shouldn't surprise me as her normal voice is louder than most, but she borders on yelling with the skype on. Once again I got taken on a walking tour of my childhood home, which I still don't understand as I spent the first 25 years of my life there and my sister once again gave my dad a gift with her face on it. One year it was stamps, this year it was M and M's. What can I say, it was Christmas as 'normal'....which is never quite normal.

I hope you and yours had as wonderful and merry Christmas as I did.

Betcha didn’t know…

My dad watches Desperate Housewives.

The color of a Chicken’s earlobes determines the color of eggs it will lay.

Oh, the weather outside is weather...

Its beginning to look, or at least feel, a lot like Christmas and a lot like my vaca is coming to an end...but what a wonderful vacation it was. This year's turkey day was spend with The Gray Lining and Patty Cakes, being that I actually live where we choose to spent the Thanksgiving holiday The Gray Lining and Patty Cakes agreed to make my vacation feel more like a vacation by spending 2 days down in Key West.

The Duo arrived in FMB at about 11:30pm last Saturday night and Dramamine in hand it was off to jump the boat to Key West at 7 Sunday morning. The ride down was fairly uneventful but as always KW was home to the making of memories and the scene of stories meant to share.

Lucky for The Gray Lining and I, Patty Cakes did not learn until day two of the trip that there are no open container laws in KW, but that didn't stop us from partaking in a multitude of adult beverages beginning about a half hour after we stepped foot off the boat. The libations began at the Schooner Wharf Bar where Michael McCloud was playing which always makes for a nice afternoon. Begin fresh off the boat and not able to check into our hotel room Patty Cakes found it necessary to visit the bathroom at the bar...wherein he found a nice little surprise awaiting him on the toilet seat. This would not have been a problem except that this trip to the bathroom was a necessity. What to do, was the topic of conversation for most of our afternoon. The Gray Lining said the obvious answer was the let the wait staff know, Patty Cakes didn't want to ruin our waiters afternoon so that option got vetoed. My solution- take one the plastic forks provided for our meal, get my sharpie out of my bag, write "Turd Fork" and "Turd Removal Device- Patent Pending" on it, and give it to Patty Cakes to 'nudge" the turd off the toilet. I apologize if anyone is or was eating as they read this, but if you know me, then you know that poo is not ever an inappropriate topic of conversation. I can't help but giggle when I think of the person who cleans the bathroom finding a fork, with poo on it sitting next to the plunger that reads "Turd Fork". Priceless.

Of course time was spent at Tiny Bar and we hit up the normal touristy destinations such as the Southernmost point, according to Key West, we did not get to visit what Patty Cakes actually thinks is the Southernmost point, a big metal tower that he believed was further south. In the blink of an eye the trip was over and it was back on the boat home to fmb for Turkey Day. The boat provided for some entertainment in the form of people watching. We played a game we called "Drunk or Boat?", it basically consists of watching people try to walk and deciding whether their poor balance was brought on by the boat or by the booze. Additionally Patty Cakes came back from the bathroom at one point with tp hanging out the back of his pants which was awesomely hilarious and spurred this little gem---A: "Don't worry Patty Cakes, it happens to the best of us." The Gray Lining: "Really?" A: "Well it happens to the best of us that it happens to."

Turkey dinner was fantastic, and The Gary Lining and Patty Cakes are sadly back off to the blistery north. All and all, it was a great vacation and I will patiently await Thanksgiving dinner deliciousness and a visit from my family next year.

Winner, Winner, Turkey Dinner

I am about 36 hours away from the arrival of The Gray Lining and Patty Cakes for the Thanksgiving Holiday, and if this year’s visit turns out anything like last year’s visit then anything I might possibly post on the interweb would probably be incoherent. So…I figured I would go ahead and give a pre-emptive Thanksgiving post.

Giving Thanks for Power Hour

Dirty-Sierra-Nevada-Hoodie giving thanks for beer pong and A giving thanks that Dirty SNH is light.

This is the 2nd Thanksgiving that I will be spending with The Gray Lining and Patty Cakes, at least the 2nd one as “adults”. We had a fantastic beach holiday last year and decided to make this a tradition of sorts. I know this tradition will probably fade over time, or at least change to some degree when The Gray Lining and Patty Cakes have a gaggle of cupcakes (cupcakes is what The Gray Lining has decided to call their future children, consequently I almost had a heart attack when talking to The Gray Lining on the phone the other day after she told me that she and Patty Cakes just got done making cupcakes…. I recovered after I realized she was talking about those of the baking variety). But until tiny versions of The Gray Lining and Patty Cakes come along for me spoil, I will cherish the small tradition that we have.

The Feast was Glorious! (above: damn yankees don't know that the kind of coconuts that grow on our tree are the ones you don't eat)

I will say that this holiday will be spent without the 4th member of our little tradition, Dirty SNH. However, he will be fed-exing us “one (1) sandal to complete the pair that was left in A's garage and one (1) bungee cord that is not currently mangled in a bike chain.” to complete our holiday. I suppose a back story on that would be helpful---Last year the sea was angry one night…or perhaps Dirty SNH was angry at the sea, nonetheless at about 2 am after a day and night full of drinking he decided to throw his flip flop into the ocean. The other flip flops remains, to this day, in my garage without it’s fellow. Moreover, a bungee cord was severely mangled by a bicycle chain on a late night trip to waffle house. When told this story was quite fuzzy, but it involved a box cutter and no hash browns.

Dirty-Sierra-Nevada-Hoodie proudly displaying his favorite attire.

Part of our tradition includes going around the table before dinner and sharing what you’re thankful for…so, here is (not an exhaustive) list of what I am thankful for this fine Thanksgiving.

• My momma~ She rarely wears FUBU anymore but she’s still the most rockin’ 60 year old I have ever met. I’m lucky to have a momma that cares about me so damn much and one that I can stand enough to let her live with me for months on end. I’m thankful for her every day.
  
• Tux Sassy Pantalones~ She is my baby and my fuzzy alarm clock. I always find it amazing that I can so quickly love a kitten. It takes me years to trust and love another person but something about a fuzzball just turns me to mush.
  
• My ‘family’~ This year I got the brother I had always wanted in Patty Cakes ;) and next year I will be adding a sister to my family by way of the Flewis nuptials. My family seems to get just a little bit bigger every year. I guess, I’m just one of the one’s lucky enough to have friends I can call family.
  
• Thanksgiving dinner ~ I am thankful for you and all your deliciousness. I love you deeply and let’s not forget your sides, oh and your desserts, I adore them as well.

As I said, this list is no where close to exhaustive but I've been very busy and important trying to get everything ready workwise so our tradition can continue this year...back with more tall tales in about a week. Until then, its off to try to drink ever beer in Key West and FMB for A, The Gray Lining, and Patty Cakes.