Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Now Accepting Applications

Back from a blogging hiatus, with a tale of my weekend…or at least what I deem to be the highlight.

Sunday was spent laying in my bed, periodically adjusting my position as to avoid pesky bed sores, until around 4:30pm. Stop looking at me with those judging eyes and that judging mustache and allow me to explain….Sunday is a day of rest, a day where Jesus encourages individuals such as myself to remain in a semi-coma like state for a period of 24 hours. Moreover, it was Easter, a day celebrating Jesus’s resurrection. …thus I felt it necessary to not only rest, but also out of respect to also avoid brushing my hair as Jesus’s locks were surely amiss on this day as well.

I’ll get to my point, this particular day of rest was spent watching an inordinate amount of television, and somewhere around hour 6 I saw an advertisement for Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend. I’ll give you a little glimpse into my head here: A to herself: “Hmm, I want a British best friend”. Herself to A: “If you had one you’d find their accent irresistible and spend your days uncontrollably saying yes to their every request”. A to herself: “You’re right, the accents mesmerize me and I don’t want to end up doing a British person’s laundry”.

I’m not sure if my longing was for a British best friend or just knowing full well I am shortly going to be lacking in the friendship department and for someone as co-dependent as I am this can’t be good. So…I will not be accepting applications for my new British best friend, or even for a new best friend but I will be accepting applications for a new friend… And if you happen to have an accent and your application is approved, please don’t ask me to do your laundry.

Friend Application

1. Name:

2. Nickname:

3. If I choose to make up a nickname for you, as I most certainly will, do you have any names that are strictly forbidden?

4. Gender:

5. Age you are: Age you feel like/tell people you are:

6. Twitter name:

7. Tweet something really nice about @stillsandsyntax , bonus points if it’s about my hair. What did you tweet?

8. What is the latest/earliest that you will accept phone calls/text messages?

9. Fill in the blanks: “Hey, A, I really _____ your last blog! It was absolutely _____!”

10. I'm hungry, will you fix me a hotdog?

11. I can't find my pants. Where do you suggest I look?

12. Road trips: Pro or Con?

13. International vacations: Pro or Con?

14. Describe my weekend hair in 3 words.

15. Complete this sentence: Naps are _________.

16. Essay question: You do or say something that you wish you could take back immediately. It is one of those times where you are so happy a lot of people aren’t around to see you do or say it. But I was there. A week later you read about it on my blog, in detail, with several fabricated embarrassments added. How do you react?

17. If I were to say to you, “Have I told you the story about the time I wore an adidas jacket as pants?” would you reply with (Please note: Chances are high that I have told you this story at least ten times):
A) No, I don’t think you have. Here, give me a moment to make myself comfortable so I can give you my complete and undivided attention.
B) Oh yeah! You have! I love that story! Will you tell it again?
C) Not the f*cking pants story again! Can’t you let one week go by without telling that stupid story?

Once you are completed please post this in the comments section. Each application will be given serious consideration and a final decision will be made in 2-4 weeks. Thank you for your interest.


  1. just out of curiosity, what's a "comma like state"... is that like laying in bed with a life sized punctuation mark?

  2. no, no...it 'acomma'. 1 word...get it right!