Let’s welcome to the stage….

You remember that scene in Varsity Blues when the football players go to the strip club and see their teacher Miss Davis dancing? She comes out lookin all business in her suit, with a chalkboard that reads Sex Education and proceeds to take off her clothes to Van Halen’s Hot for Teacher all the while playing up that naughty teacher bit like it’s her job (well technically it is her job). That is stripping; taking your clothes off in an effort to obtain money from strangers.

I don’t know if they exist elsewhere in the world but I’ll be damned if I’ve ever been to an actual strip club. Stripping is not coming on to the stage wearing a bikini, taking off the top portion of the bikini to reveal pasties and subsequently rolling around on the floor for 3-5 minutes. Strippers, I appreciate that you are intoxicated and probably high off of a drug I’ve never even heard of, but you’ve been letting your patrons down. They want themes; they want naughty teachers and nurses. They do not want “Let’s welcome to the stage a dirty crack whore with a snaggle tooth”. That’s not a theme, that’s you. The day after Halloween all the costumes stores sell things for 50-70% off, get your "boyfriend" to buy you that eightball and drop a few bucks on a pair of ears and a tail. Hell, if you want go get fancy pick up a Little Bo Peep costume (if the old whore at the Clermont Lounge in the ATL can pull it off you can too!). Have the DJ blast Cat Scratch Fever, put on your ears and tail, get on stage and strip them off for the people. The people want it; Nay…they demand it.


Shout out to Sweet Little Baby Doll JT and Look Imperial for inspiring this post by their weekly trips to a local gentleman's club.

Its not Festivus but its going down anyway...

I would like to take this opportunity to air my grievances.

1. To the person who took my orange highlighter off my desk. You are punishing everyone. I have every intention of taking my candy jar and the remainder of my highlighters and placing them in an undisclosed location. Everyone, or at least those who partake in candy from my jar (that's what she said) will suffer. Please return my highlighter preferably with a note of apology at your earliest convenience. To some an orange highlighter isn't a big deal but in the world of A, orange highlighted items in my calendar indicated non-work related activities, and I would like to be able to schedule that time into my life.

2. To the Black Eyed Peas. will. i. am.----your name is William, hell go by Will if you really want a nickname, but will. i. am. is quite simply ridiculous. apl. de.ap. ---- i do not know what your name actually is, or how you came uo with apl.de.ap but i hope you fall. I have no desire for you to sustain a serious injury but i hope you scrape your knee, and perhaps tear your very likely already fashionably torn jeans. Taboo, I'm not sure which one you are so if you're not the one with flat-ironed bob then you're name is ok. I enjoy the board game Taboo and perhaps you are named after that. Fergie, you are fine. The world is a cruel place but 'hot' people are allowed to get away with more, so you can keep your nickname. In summation, will.i.am. and appley dap, suck it...Boom boom pow bitches.

3. To my baby Tux. I realize you are a morning cat, but i am not a morning person. 6am is not an acceptable time to wake up. Please make an adjustment to your sleep schedule.

4. To the mosquito in my car last night. I'm not sure of your interweb access situation but if you are reading this I hope someone smacks you and you die. I haven't even found all the places you bit me.