Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Just rub some dirt on it

That’s what Momma used to say, well she’s never actually said that when I’ve whined about a hangover, but it seems for anything else that ailed you, rubbing dirt on it was an obvious solution. Here’s the thing, I’m not 22 anymore. In fact this year I’m turning, well let’s just say old enough where I should know better than to have my liver do a decathlon. With Intern in town I imagine we’ll be partying likes it’s 2007, and I can see the Beer Olympics on the horizon. There are really no options, so instead of primary prevention, I figure I’ll go for secondary or even in some cases tertiary.

CNN put out an article recently on food cures for hangovers from all over the place. I’m sure I’m not the only one who will try anything the day after the night you actually thought grape drank shots with 10 beer backs were a good idea. You know what I’m talking about; you awaken fully clothed, hopefully alone, crinkled bar receipt in your pocket, perhaps sleeping sideways on your bed, vision blurred, feeling as if you’ve spent the past week wandering the desert.

What cures you? Is it spicy, greasy, salty, sweet? I myself am kind of partial (Momma stop reading here, I’ll let you know when it’s ok to read again, just look for the bold print) to hungover sexytime, sometimes spicy, sometimes sweet, whatever it is about it, it works. Hmm, maybe it’s because sexytime is my favorite time of day and it ends in a nap. Just in case you don’t have the option of using my cure, lets talk food.

Pick up here Momma

In the good ol’ US of A we go for the greasy and fatty. Bacon, eggs, and anything fried are the go to food for the cure. Turns out fatty foods are actually a better prevention method than a cure, as the grease repels booze from the stomach lining. Eggs on the other hand contain amino acids which help to break down post-drinking toxins. Sweet! I love America, bacon for dinner, eggs for breakfast…sign me up.

In Denmark they call it "reparationsbajer", in Japan it’s “futsukayoi”, or “fix-it Brewster” and “second day drunk” respectively. I call this “hair of the dog”, turns out the Irish do as well so I’ll fit right in come June. In my opinion, the Danes, Japanese and Irish hit this one on the head, but science would have you believe that it does more harm than good because your poor liver has to start working double time.

I don’t know if Sarah Palin has ever seen a Russian drinking pickle juice straight from the jar while she keeps an eye on them from her front porch but turns out pickle juice = bye bye hangover. As if that isn’t gross enough, Koreans who throw down too much Cass or Hite eat some type of soup made from coagulated ox blood, cabbage, cow bones, pork spine and veggies.

My thoughts, if you can eat ground up cow soup or drink pickle juice straight from a jar (unless you’re Snookie of course) without throwing up, you probably don’t have that bad of a hangover. So quitcha whining and go make me some eggs, bring me a beer, or leave me alone so I can enjoy my favorite time of day.


  1. This is information I really could have used four days ago, and since I have solemnly sworn to never drink again, I guess the opportunity to test out the theories has passed. Have fun with The Intern, and make sure you don't send her home on the Greyhound!

  2. Oof. If there were stages for hangovers I would say I'm rocking a Stage 3 (of 5) right now. The idea of drinking pickle juice just flipped my stomach. Stage 3 = brain feels like its scraping the side of my head, stomach a little touch and go on solid foods, but so far so good.

    i could really use a bloody mary.