Gettin' back to nature

About a week ago She'sBossy entertained me during our 9am mental health break with the little story I'm about to share with you.

Apparently He'sBossy had been trying for several weeks to dislodge some water from his ear. I'm sure everyone has experienced the sheer annoyance of having water stuck in their ear... you can't concentrate on anything else, you find yourself bouncing up and down with your head tilted to the side trying to shake it out, perhaps you even give yourself a few whacks on the un-ailed ear to see if that force can knock it loose, within a half hour you've picked up a q-tip and started digging, if it's not out within an hour you question how much long you can live like this...maybe not, but that’s been my personal experience. Regardless of how we differ in coping with this problem imagine living with it for two weeks, I think we can all agree that would be miserable. He’sBossy tried everything under the sun, including all the aforementioned tactics as well as a few extra such as having She’sBossy pour rubbing alcohol in his ear. Nothing seemed to work. Well, low and behold after getting to work about a week ago She’sBossy got a phone call which yielded a very excited He’sBossy saying “I got it out”, turns out “it” was not water but a…..no it wasn’t a bug because I know that’s exactly what you’re thinking….it was a seed, which had taken root in his ear. I know, disturbing.

This conversation led way to talk of random shit growing in people’s bodies. Turns out some guy in Russia had a pine tree growing in his lungs.

After finding this out I was intrigued by other weird places vegetation takes root, and thanks to the fancy thing I call the interweb I stumbled upon these other gems.

This guy can make you a living ring. That’s nature, right there at your fingertips!

This tree looks like a butt. I like my tree's round and big! 36, 24, 36..only if my douglas fir's 5'3". I’m immature, I know but you have to admit, that Mother Nature is a saucy minx.

Turns out after arriving home She’sBossy had to inform He’sBossy that the “seed” growing in his ear was not so much a seed but a scab, with some wax in a root-like formation. And I thought the idea of a seed in someone’s ear was gross.

I guess I'm more of a Robin or maybe an Ernie

Last night I had a dream that Whoooo was a superhero not unlike Iron Man (not surprisingly being that I watched Iron Man for the first time yesterday) and I was, for lack of a better term, her "sidekick". In this dream scenario I was also an Iron Man type superhero, yet I was smaller and as a direct result weaker, and smart but still not as crazy smart as Whoooo. Basically the entire dream consisted of us training by fighting each other and trying to solve problems in the armor, I woke up puzzled. One: Because I was apparently still trying to figure out the last issue we were having with the armor with my inferior brain and Two: Because I was trying to figure out what is wrong with me that I am the sidekick in my own dream.

Deal...or no deal

As I did not catch the Grammy Awards last night due to not remembering they were on I went online and checked the photos and news articles. Truth be told I don't really care who won a Grammy and who didn't I just mainly wanted, nay, needed to see this whole egg transportation pod of lady gaga's that everyone was talking about on the radio. While clicking through the pictures I stumbled upon several photos of the band Train accepting their awards. It wasn't until I got to the picture below and actually read the caption that I realized the man on the left was not Howie Mandel, whom I had just assumed was presenting the band their award, but actually a member of the band. I bet he gets that a lot, if I were him I would consider a different hair style or maybe a different form of facial hair. Just sayin.

I don't play a doctor on tv, but I do play one in real life

In college I used to have anxiety attacks quite often, to a point where I considered getting medicated. Meds never came into the picture and over the years I learned to manage them myself. There were always particular triggers, most of them school related, a combination of lack of sleep and entirely too much stress to be the awesome person (academically speaking of course, no stress in just being plain awesome) that I am . Since college and becoming an 'adult' anxiety attacks have been few and far between and have only come on during very stressful times. That is, until about the past month. The anxiety attacks have been happening more frequently and as I've noticed their prevalence increasing I've been trying to figure out what's triggering them. The only thing I I have noticed is that they seem to correlate more often than not to playing angry birds.

Diagnosis- I'm allergic to angry birds. If I can muster the will power, angry birds will be joining the list of things I avoid due to allergies which include tide laundry detergent, crest toothpaste, and criticism.

I heart charts! and graphs

Wendy's changed their fries. Dislike.

Bad Acid Trip

When I was in college I would make periodic weekend trips home to visit my parents (aka steal groceries and do laundry for free). On these trips I would spend much of my time chit chatting with momma over cocktails or ditching my p.o.s. for one of their much nicer cars to head into town to visit friends that still lived back home. My dad was always a bit of ghost during these trips and almost immediately as I pulled in he would head out to the driveway and lift the hood of my car to 'tinker', or at least that's what momma called it.

Today I realized my dad probably wasn't 'tinkering' so much as he was doing regular vehicle maintenance. Now I am not so delusional to believe that the magic car fairy just came and made sure things were in tip top shape at night while I rested my pretty little head on my pillow but at the risk of setting back the feminist movement a few years I will say that the only time I have opened the hood of my car since I've owned it was when something was wrong, and I have been known to turn up the radio to drown out unfamiliar noises my different cars have made over the years. Is it so wrong to think that they people who change my oil might point out other visible problems such as low break fluid or battery corrosion so that they can charge me $46.95 to do something that I could do myself in 2 minutes for under $10? Apparently it was wrong. Lets start from the beginning...

Last April, SLBDJT and I were at Relay for Life setting up our tent while listening to some jams on Bruce's radio. I guess it took a little longer to set up the tent than we imagined it would because when I went to start Bruce up he just made a sad click click click noise. No problem, SLBDJT gave me a jump and recommended that I get my battery checked because I had owned Bruce for 3 years and told me that once you let a battery go dead like that it can happen easier in the future. Well, it is now January, nine whole months later and that little bit of wisdom just slipped my mind and why wouldn't it, he's started like a champ each and every time I've turned his key since that day....until Friday. It was camping weekend and there I was out in the sticks going in to register us and not five minutes later I came out and Bruce's battery was flat lined. Lucky for us SPBDJT was only about 5 minutes away and once again he came to Bruce's rescue. After this little incident I promised myself and SLBDJT I would get a new battery this week.

Being that I have never changed my battery before I enlisted the help of a few manly co-workers, and by help I mean I watched while they worked, and took some abuse to my intelligence level due to the large amount of corrosion that my battery had on it. Three hours, a trip to napa auto parts, a trip to advanced auto, some battery acid in the eye, a new battery, and a new battery terminal (I think that's what they said it was called) later and Bruce is up and running as good as new. All it cost me was $100, and a good amount of guilt should steve-o end up going blind.

I feel like I should thank my dad for all the 'tinkering' and also encourage all my friends who are currently dads to show their little girls how to do some of this stuff so they don't depend on the magic car fairy to take care of things when they get out on their own. Good talk, now off to bake steve-o some "sorry I blinded you" cookies.

Stupid wobbly earth

My world is in shambles. For my entire life I have been identifying with the astrological sign of cancer, now come to find out some astronomer from Minnesota tweeted or some shit that due to our earth being wobbly while its spinning that I've been living a lie and I'm actually a gemini. I'm forecasting some significant changes in my personality....and potentially my pickup lines....time for some research.

Turns out my element is now Air and not Water, or even Honda for that matter. This is looking bad already, I have the word water tattooed on my body, granted it had nothing to do with my astrological sign but thinking now I am now foreseeing a lot more people suffering from tattoo regret and joining those who thought they were getting 'trust' tattooed on them in Japanese and ending up with something like 'taco' instead.

On top of that it turns out I need to change my life's pursuit from reassurance and intimacy to just a little bit of everything. Essentially, I need to be flighty. Not sure how that is going to work out for a planner like me but if the stars say so, I guess it must be. Basically, look out for a mischievous, sporadic, financially irresponsible person with an interest in foreign languages, that apparently other people like to talk about. Far stretch from the compassionate, charming, fiscally responsible person I was yesterday.

I knew nothing good could ever come out of Minnesota.