Showing posts with label Things that are not awesome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things that are not awesome. Show all posts
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
For Truth, For Justice, For 15 Bucks a Day
Today I performed one of the most important civic duties of a citizen, I was a juror. In short I was called to protect the rights and liberties of the litigants in in my county's court. The 20 minute video I was made to watch indicated that I was important and I am what makes this country great. It said a bunch more things but I got a little bored about half way through it.
After all the warm and fuzzies from the video, I performed my civic duty by sitting in a chair watching a movie on my i-touch for about an hour. Interrupting my movie was the first call for jurors for a case. As I sat there repeating my number over and over in my head and crossing my fingers until they turned white, I escaped the first group of 40 or so who were called. I took this movie break to have a look around at my fellow jurors. Apparently a number of people took the recommended attire of "business casual" to mean a camouflage button up paired with semi clean jeans. I then turned my movie back on and settled in for about another hour. At this point the formerly comfy chair could have really used a foot stool accompanying it. Round two came and went without my number being rung and as I thought, "I just might make it out of here", I looked around the room and noticed the number of remaining jurors was looking about at thin as My BMF's hair.
About an hour later another group of 12 or so was due to be called. I crossed my fingers just as tightly as possible and then, I heard it---2nd number called. Instead of the responding with "here" as instructed by the staff I provided a "F*CK, oh, I mean here", to which the gentleman behind me said "My sentiments exactly". I made my way up to the court room with my fellow jurors, stepped inside and took a seat on the benches. Surprisingly, this is the first time I've ever been inside a court room (I know, please take a moment to finish gasping). The judge provided us with more verbal pats on the back and thanked us for being there. She introduced the prosecutor, the defense, and the bailiffs, talked some more "bull spit, bull spit, bull spit", and then said the case that we had been waiting for all day was resolved and we were free at last, free at last.
After today I have some thoughts, and I'd love to provide you with a few....
1. There is nothing 'random' about the selection of jurors. I have been called twice since living in this state. I know at least 15 people who have lived here as long or longer than me and have never been called. I honestly believe they call people and if they show up, they get put on a list of responsible citizens who will actually show up for jury duty. There is no doubt in my mind that I will receive another summons in 366 days.
2. With the high level of unemployment (I believe my county is second in the nation) why don't they just excuse all those people with jobs, who are already contributing. I'm sure there are a hell of a lot of people who would wet themselves for the 15 dollars a day you get paid for jury duty.
3. No matter how old I get I will still get nervous in the presence of authority. I took one step in the court room and was nervous as hell, and I was supposed to be one of the people in the box seats bringing down the judgement on the criminals, not in a lick of trouble, and I found myself feeling nauseous and tearing a bit in my left eye (I know that is a weird reaction to nerves, but well, I'm a little bit weird).
In summation, jury duty is an experience and if you happen to have not been called yet, I will happily take your dl number and provide it to the clerk of court as a viable replacement for me next time around.
After all the warm and fuzzies from the video, I performed my civic duty by sitting in a chair watching a movie on my i-touch for about an hour. Interrupting my movie was the first call for jurors for a case. As I sat there repeating my number over and over in my head and crossing my fingers until they turned white, I escaped the first group of 40 or so who were called. I took this movie break to have a look around at my fellow jurors. Apparently a number of people took the recommended attire of "business casual" to mean a camouflage button up paired with semi clean jeans. I then turned my movie back on and settled in for about another hour. At this point the formerly comfy chair could have really used a foot stool accompanying it. Round two came and went without my number being rung and as I thought, "I just might make it out of here", I looked around the room and noticed the number of remaining jurors was looking about at thin as My BMF's hair.
About an hour later another group of 12 or so was due to be called. I crossed my fingers just as tightly as possible and then, I heard it---2nd number called. Instead of the responding with "here" as instructed by the staff I provided a "F*CK, oh, I mean here", to which the gentleman behind me said "My sentiments exactly". I made my way up to the court room with my fellow jurors, stepped inside and took a seat on the benches. Surprisingly, this is the first time I've ever been inside a court room (I know, please take a moment to finish gasping). The judge provided us with more verbal pats on the back and thanked us for being there. She introduced the prosecutor, the defense, and the bailiffs, talked some more "bull spit, bull spit, bull spit", and then said the case that we had been waiting for all day was resolved and we were free at last, free at last.
After today I have some thoughts, and I'd love to provide you with a few....
1. There is nothing 'random' about the selection of jurors. I have been called twice since living in this state. I know at least 15 people who have lived here as long or longer than me and have never been called. I honestly believe they call people and if they show up, they get put on a list of responsible citizens who will actually show up for jury duty. There is no doubt in my mind that I will receive another summons in 366 days.
2. With the high level of unemployment (I believe my county is second in the nation) why don't they just excuse all those people with jobs, who are already contributing. I'm sure there are a hell of a lot of people who would wet themselves for the 15 dollars a day you get paid for jury duty.
3. No matter how old I get I will still get nervous in the presence of authority. I took one step in the court room and was nervous as hell, and I was supposed to be one of the people in the box seats bringing down the judgement on the criminals, not in a lick of trouble, and I found myself feeling nauseous and tearing a bit in my left eye (I know that is a weird reaction to nerves, but well, I'm a little bit weird).
In summation, jury duty is an experience and if you happen to have not been called yet, I will happily take your dl number and provide it to the clerk of court as a viable replacement for me next time around.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I want to punch him in his pre-pubescent douche beard
Driving to work this morning I heard something disturbing. Spencer and Heidi wrote a book. It’s called “How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture”. I didn’t know Heidi could read, let alone pen a book. Spencer is obviously the brains of this twosome--- but smart enough to write a book, I’m still struggling with that thought process. What’s more disturbing than the two of the world’s dumbest and most annoying television personalities writing a book is the fact that that they will probably sell a million copies of this book. With chapters like ‘How to grow a pre-pubescent douche beard and have it photographed’ and ‘Planning multiple weddings’, I can even see why people might run out and drop $19.99, I mean I am way too often tempted to purchase celebrity smut in the grocery line. Despite my love of everything borders and everything celebrity smut, I for one won’t be contributing to their 3rd wedding fund by purchasing this turd in paperback form.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Walking Disaster
I would like to say that I’m not accident prone, and it’s just that inanimate objects have it out for me. However, all evidence is pointing to the former. In the past two days I have managed to fall down once and turn my ring finger a pretty shade of purple (this was two separate incidents mind you).
Two days ago, in pure Lazy A fashion instead of pulling out my office chair to sit down in it, I decided to do some type of bendy-ninja-matrix-type move so I wouldn’t have to expend the immense amount of energy it takes to move a rolling chair. Laziness, and a general lack of coordination resulted in a slow motion fall where I proceeded to land with all of my weight on my right elbow. My entire arm went completely numb which led me immediately to the thought that my arm was broken. As I sat there writhing in pain waiting for blood to start spurting out, I figured out that the numbness was probably due to the whole “funny bone” thing -Not funny by the way. Thankfully there was only one person in the office when this went down and he didn’t even notice. I say thankfully for obvious reasons but in the end, I’m a bit disturbed that I could have cracked my noggin instead of my elbow, rendered myself unconscious and my office mate’s old ass would have been none the wiser until he got up to get another cup of coffee. Consequently I think he’s due for a hearing aid check.
I guess this little incident isn’t that surprising considering I am the same girl who sprained her ankle stepping off of third base after getting called out. That’s correct, I sprained my ankle not actually doing something athletic, but simply walking.
Has anyone seen my helmet?
Two days ago, in pure Lazy A fashion instead of pulling out my office chair to sit down in it, I decided to do some type of bendy-ninja-matrix-type move so I wouldn’t have to expend the immense amount of energy it takes to move a rolling chair. Laziness, and a general lack of coordination resulted in a slow motion fall where I proceeded to land with all of my weight on my right elbow. My entire arm went completely numb which led me immediately to the thought that my arm was broken. As I sat there writhing in pain waiting for blood to start spurting out, I figured out that the numbness was probably due to the whole “funny bone” thing -Not funny by the way. Thankfully there was only one person in the office when this went down and he didn’t even notice. I say thankfully for obvious reasons but in the end, I’m a bit disturbed that I could have cracked my noggin instead of my elbow, rendered myself unconscious and my office mate’s old ass would have been none the wiser until he got up to get another cup of coffee. Consequently I think he’s due for a hearing aid check.
I guess this little incident isn’t that surprising considering I am the same girl who sprained her ankle stepping off of third base after getting called out. That’s correct, I sprained my ankle not actually doing something athletic, but simply walking.
Has anyone seen my helmet?
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