Who wants to shoot their friends?

In general I'm a fan of activities. Don't get me wrong, a Sunday Funday for me typically means doing "nothing", but nothing is never truly nothing. Nothing usually means I'll watch all the Fast and the Furious movies or something else embarrassing like The Last Song. I rarely can just sit, for this reason I usually like to plan activities for myself and those close to me. This past Sunday paintball was on the docket.

It happened like this, I vaguely remember seeing something on tv where paintball was depicted as a fun family activity. Sometime the week after the farce I saw on television I sent out an email to everyone I knew and asked who wanted to "shoot their friends", I got an alarmingly high positive response to that particular question. Thus this past Sunday was referred to affectionately as Sunday Funday Paintball, D Day, Deathmatch 2011, or The Day I Made Jeff-ry Cry (not really, but I thought he was going to for one very serious second).

In the week leading up to Deathmatch 2011, there was a lot of talk of snipers, what clothing was least likely to let your flesh be ripped from your bones, how much weaponry experience people had. Ultimately I started thinking I should have organized a kumbaya circle instead of a paintball trip, perhaps that would have been more my speed.

Alas, Sunday I showed up with my game face (did you know my game face has a quivering bottom lip?). We were given guns, face masks, and chest protectors. Some people chose not to wear the chest protectors. I can't wrap my brain around this, if the eyes are the boobs of the face and you go out of your way wearing a sight de-hancing face mask to protect them, then the boobs are the eyes of the body and you should want to give them the same level of protection. Whatever boys, they're your moobs, not my boobs...do what you want with them.

In the end I was a bad ace paint baller. As I was sliding across the course to hide behind barriers I felt like I was pulling out some sweet Dukes of Hazzard moves. Apparently it appeared different to the onlookers who were at times concerned I could have just broken a bone by the way my body contorted, but I'll retain the version I have in my mind in the ol memory bank. After the first few times out where I was shot and "killed" within seconds of the start whistle I got the hang of it and managed to leave some welts on my friends. After seeing the battle wounds of my friends I think I fared pretty well with the most serious injury on my rock hard bicep.

Someone call a vet...that python is sick!

Challenge Accepted

Have I ever mentioned I love One House Love? Well I do and recently they threw down a challenge, of the DIY sort. Ya'all know me, I often step away from a challenge but this time I figured why not, I mean I have relatively no chance of getting hurt, I likely won't have to physically exert myself and of course I love me some DIY.

I decided to make distressed picture canvases which I found here. They looked bad ace and though time consuming, easy enough. Also, my BMF got married just about a week shy of a year ago and I thought a photo from his wedding put onto a canvas would be a great gift from the person who pronounced them husband and wife. I won't rehash the directions because the original website does it best but I will make a few suggestions/fun facts/observations...come along with me.



1. Fact: This DIY is perfect if you have a friends wedding anniversary coming up and you are considering robbing a bank.

One of the many suggestions on the comments section is to use a sponge to rub the paper off the canvas. This is a great suggestion, because while your fingers are perfect and preferable to use so you don't rub away too much of the photo, you will likely rub your finger prints clean off your hands. So, with this project you can make a gift from the heart, and perhaps rob someone blind leaving no fingerprints behind. Everyone's a winner, except of course the person who got robbed.

2. Suggestion: After putting on the gel medium I placed the photo onto the canvas before wetting it down. My first go at this I followed the directions and I had some difficulty.

3. Observation: Cats are not helpful in this project, but they are cute.


Follow me out on pintrest why don't cha http://pinterest.com/stillsandsyntax/

Gay? or Foreign?

There are a few constants in this little thing that I call life...the world looks better through sunglasses, beer tastes better on Friday, whether I'm taking the path well traveled or less traveled I'd rather do it in flip flops, and humans are an intriguing species. Seriously, do you ever just listen to what is going on in the world around you. It's hilarious.

SLBDJT and I made a last minute trip down to Key West this past weekend and while I would normally send you reeling with jealousy, fill your faces with smiles, and make your bellies jiggle with laughter due to my shenanigans I think I'll spend my time talking a little more about the sights and sounds I took in while I sat in my shades drinking an ice cold beer on a sweltering day, or walking down Duval in my favorite pair of rainbows. Because people are, well, hilarious.

Somewhere between snorkeling and my nap (i.e. passout) on Saturday we were walking down Duval when a guy passed us, said "Tall people" and proceeded to high five the tall guy walking behind us. It was so nonchalant, "tall people", like a person saying "excuse me", "thank you", or "I like your mustache". Pretty sure I'm going to start saying "short people" and throwing up a high, or low as it were, five as I pass others who also can't utilize the top shelf of their kitchen cabinets.

Moving on....

Ever heard of a game called "Gay? or Foreign?"? No? Didn't think so, because I'm pretty sure we made it up. On Sat morning while discussing the potential for sexytime, as we have been known to do from time to time, SLBDJT informed me that the neighboring room in our sweet little B and B was housing a gay guy and his fag hag. Being that KW is a gay mecca, I thought nothing of it aside from a inner glow of happiness for my friend that there was an available girl situated very close to our room in a town where people are known for getting smashed and making bad decisions. I mean, Key West is like Vegas, but with brunch. Anyway, I ran into the "gay" guy next door later in the hallway. Turns out, not so much gay, just foreign. Probably not so much his fag hag as his girlfriend. This little incident spurred the game, "Gay? or Foreign?" which SLBDJT is apparently terrible at. I get it, sometimes its hard to tell. Especially with the French, its not their fault, that language could make the late Macho Man Randy Savage sound fruity. Picture it...."Oh oui. Encliquetage dans un Slim Jim". You might think...gay....but you would be wrong.

The path to fitness...in a heatwave

1. Put on super sexy bike shorts.
2. Jump on GT and ride for around 3 blocks.
3. Realize that its so hot outside both you and the tires on your GT are melting.
4. Turn around.
5. Check yourself out in the mirror in your super sexy bike shorts.
6. Scoff at those who say you have no booty.
7. Realize its not your booty you see but instead the padding in the super sexy bike shorts.
8. Log onto Amazon.com.
9. Buy spinning bike you've been eyeballing.
10. Wait 7-10 business days.
11. Take spinning bike parts out of the box.
12. Forget about putting the spinning bike together because its the freaking weekend baby and you about to have you some fun.
13. Put together spinning bike despite your hangover.
14. Put on super sexy bike shorts.
15. Ride spinning bike for 45 minutes.
16. Walk around the next day like someone bent you over a barrel and showed you the 50 states because you're not used to sitting on a bike seat.
17. Consider ordering one of these:


18. Play through the pain.
19. Bask as others marvel at your high level of fitness or your super sexy bike shorts...it's hard to tell.

Boom Boom Boom, Let me hear you say....

A wonderful convo, based on this masterpiece:

me: i made a breakfast scramble i have no recollection of cooking and eating on sat night. no injuries sustained, boom boom boom

Ten Key Ninja: now let me here you say "whey - ho" wtf is up with that girl! she butchered my favorite jock jams song!

me: she owned that song, and don't you say otherwise. that was bad ace. i will be stealing her dance moves. whey-ooooo

Ten Key Ninja: haha, they're pretty sweet moves. i especially like her ad-libbing, i.e. "sing along with me" and her putting her hand to her ear, as if she would actually be able to hear you "singing" along

me: yeah, its good stuff

Ten Key Ninja: why did she have to read the screen? she was just saying the same thing over and over...she didn't even rap the hard part, which would have been even more amusing on top of the wheyying and the ohhing

me: to keep the beat. i assume her whiteness disabled her to do this on her own

Can I get an H!

So....I've been in a bit of a dry slump lately. Oh, what a difference a couple of letters in that sentence could make, if I had been in a bit of a dry hump instead of a slump I'd be relatively happy and not frustrated in the least, of course an sl instead of an h means some words for you to read right here on this fine soapbox I call my blog. Silver lining :)

As of late my life has been more like the Rebecca Black song about Friday as opposed to the Katy Perry song about Friday. Its been more of a "gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal, tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes after....wards". I mean I still don't want the weekend to end but it's no "Is this a hickie or a bruise, streaking in the park, skinny dipping in the dark whoa-oh-oah" kind of Friday night.

I'm not going to specify how long this dry slump has been, cause I'm classy. But since the beginning of the slump there has been no more than a little kissin', and I don't even know if I should count it. Like, if this person was a Christmas ornament, you would hang em on the back of the tree. Not the best looking, not something you want to display to your friends, but still made the cut...after a few glasses of nog. Maybe you put this particular ornament on the bottom of the tree in the back, near the electrical outlets, just in case there is a fire it would be the first to go. I guess I'm sayin, no one would miss it.

I can't complain too much, as I found out last night one of my friends hasn't started her ump with an H since 2010...that's a completely different year than we are currently in! Well, I'm out there looking for love, perhaps though in all the wrong places. Seeing as the last person I went on a 'date' with asked me I was super healthy because I ordered a green tea frappuccino, apparently if a beverage is green like a vegetable it must taste yucky and have lots of gross healthy vitamins in it. Is the logic lost on you? Yeah, me too. I also used the word sedentary, which in hindsight I realize is a 'big' word but a little advice, if you are on a date with someone and they use a word you don't understand you have a couple options: 1. decipher its meaning by the context in which it was used 2. react how they react (if they laugh then you laugh, etc) then look it up when you get home 3. ask them what it means. Two of those options are acceptable, one is not. If you can't figure out which one is not, then I'm super happy I've never been on a date with you.


Oh, as a side note I have a new favorite time waster...pinterest is out (not really, its still bad ace) and My Drunk Kitchen is in. Be still my hannah Hart (winky face emoticon). It's wonderful and fantastic and you will love it, promise.

Ripped from the headlines...and by headlines I mean my Gmail Chat

The following is an actual conversation which took place between the Ten Key Ninja and I. It lasted for over 20 minutes, I don't know what else to say. At least I didn't post the 10 minute conversation about 'planking' that took place afterwards.

me: have you ever taped your thumbs to your hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur

Ten Key Ninja: i can't say that i have. have you? are you doing it right now?

me: no, that would be weird. i'm a professional Ten Key Ninja

Ten Key Ninja: that would be weird :) so am I, but i never know what you're doing over there

me: true

Ten Key Ninja: it wouldn't shock me if you were sitting there, trying to type without thumbs. i just tried to type without using my thumbs...that space bar is a real bitch. you have to concentrate much harder

me: how about you step outside of your comfort zone and see what its like to be a dinosaur

Ten Key Ninja: doesn't necessarily mean my thumbs are taped together.. just not using them

me: i bet you just take your thumbs for granted

Ten Key Ninja: maybe you should try to be a dinosaur too

me: who says i haven’t, just not at work

Ten Key Ninja: i have a hard time believing you've sat at home and changed the tv channels or drank your cocktails, pretending to not have thumbs

me: well believe it baby. the tv is easy. cocktail, only if you have a straw

Ten Key Ninja: how about texting?

me: why are you so curious

Ten Key Ninja: oh..just getting a feel for what it's like to be a dinosaur

me: try it yourself if you're so curious. experience life Ten Key Ninja

Ten Key Ninja: you're right...everyone should really experience life, as an extinct creature

Ten Key Ninja: which dinosaur would you be...i mean, if you had to pick one

me: hm, thats a thinker. maybe like a Bagaceratops. cause its name is funny, it has a horn, and its nice. its hard to tell though

Ten Key Ninja: yeah..i would probably a triceratops or a velociraptor

me: those are mean

Ten Key Ninja: well if i'm going to be a dinosaur, i need to live a little. try something new, like being mean/aggressive

me: wow, dinosaur me and you would not be friends

Ten Key Ninja: dinosaur you would need dinosaur me for protection

me: i'd be chilling, hippie like dinosaur, eating some tree and you'd be spitting in people’s faces and blinding them so you could eat them. note my vast knowledge of dinosaurs comes from Jurassic Park I and II

Ten Key Ninja: sounds like it

me: i'm not entirely confident, that being said, that what i know is accurate

Ten Key Ninja: my first choice of dinosaur would be the triceratops. it was always my favorite

since the land before time. her name was sara and she was nice

me: land before time. i guess that is a better movie to think of

Ten Key Ninja: that's usually how i think of dinos

me: i like to think of my dinosaurs with big angel wings, singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd, with like an angel band...and i'm in the front row and i'm hammered drunk. thats how i usually think of them, well that, or Jurassic park

Ten Key Ninja: :) if dinosaurs sang lead vocals, they would have to have one of those headset microphones

me: of course, like Brittany Spears