Ripped from the headlines...and by headlines I mean my Gmail Chat

The following is an actual conversation which took place between the Ten Key Ninja and I. It lasted for over 20 minutes, I don't know what else to say. At least I didn't post the 10 minute conversation about 'planking' that took place afterwards.

me: have you ever taped your thumbs to your hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur

Ten Key Ninja: i can't say that i have. have you? are you doing it right now?

me: no, that would be weird. i'm a professional Ten Key Ninja

Ten Key Ninja: that would be weird :) so am I, but i never know what you're doing over there

me: true

Ten Key Ninja: it wouldn't shock me if you were sitting there, trying to type without thumbs. i just tried to type without using my thumbs...that space bar is a real bitch. you have to concentrate much harder

me: how about you step outside of your comfort zone and see what its like to be a dinosaur

Ten Key Ninja: doesn't necessarily mean my thumbs are taped together.. just not using them

me: i bet you just take your thumbs for granted

Ten Key Ninja: maybe you should try to be a dinosaur too

me: who says i haven’t, just not at work

Ten Key Ninja: i have a hard time believing you've sat at home and changed the tv channels or drank your cocktails, pretending to not have thumbs

me: well believe it baby. the tv is easy. cocktail, only if you have a straw

Ten Key Ninja: how about texting?

me: why are you so curious

Ten Key Ninja: oh..just getting a feel for what it's like to be a dinosaur

me: try it yourself if you're so curious. experience life Ten Key Ninja

Ten Key Ninja: you're right...everyone should really experience life, as an extinct creature

Ten Key Ninja: which dinosaur would you be...i mean, if you had to pick one

me: hm, thats a thinker. maybe like a Bagaceratops. cause its name is funny, it has a horn, and its nice. its hard to tell though

Ten Key Ninja: yeah..i would probably a triceratops or a velociraptor

me: those are mean

Ten Key Ninja: well if i'm going to be a dinosaur, i need to live a little. try something new, like being mean/aggressive

me: wow, dinosaur me and you would not be friends

Ten Key Ninja: dinosaur you would need dinosaur me for protection

me: i'd be chilling, hippie like dinosaur, eating some tree and you'd be spitting in people’s faces and blinding them so you could eat them. note my vast knowledge of dinosaurs comes from Jurassic Park I and II

Ten Key Ninja: sounds like it

me: i'm not entirely confident, that being said, that what i know is accurate

Ten Key Ninja: my first choice of dinosaur would be the triceratops. it was always my favorite

since the land before time. her name was sara and she was nice

me: land before time. i guess that is a better movie to think of

Ten Key Ninja: that's usually how i think of dinos

me: i like to think of my dinosaurs with big angel wings, singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd, with like an angel band...and i'm in the front row and i'm hammered drunk. thats how i usually think of them, well that, or Jurassic park

Ten Key Ninja: :) if dinosaurs sang lead vocals, they would have to have one of those headset microphones

me: of course, like Brittany Spears

Just rub some dirt on it

That’s what Momma used to say, well she’s never actually said that when I’ve whined about a hangover, but it seems for anything else that ailed you, rubbing dirt on it was an obvious solution. Here’s the thing, I’m not 22 anymore. In fact this year I’m turning, well let’s just say old enough where I should know better than to have my liver do a decathlon. With Intern in town I imagine we’ll be partying likes it’s 2007, and I can see the Beer Olympics on the horizon. There are really no options, so instead of primary prevention, I figure I’ll go for secondary or even in some cases tertiary.

CNN put out an article recently on food cures for hangovers from all over the place. I’m sure I’m not the only one who will try anything the day after the night you actually thought grape drank shots with 10 beer backs were a good idea. You know what I’m talking about; you awaken fully clothed, hopefully alone, crinkled bar receipt in your pocket, perhaps sleeping sideways on your bed, vision blurred, feeling as if you’ve spent the past week wandering the desert.

What cures you? Is it spicy, greasy, salty, sweet? I myself am kind of partial (Momma stop reading here, I’ll let you know when it’s ok to read again, just look for the bold print) to hungover sexytime, sometimes spicy, sometimes sweet, whatever it is about it, it works. Hmm, maybe it’s because sexytime is my favorite time of day and it ends in a nap. Just in case you don’t have the option of using my cure, lets talk food.

Pick up here Momma

In the good ol’ US of A we go for the greasy and fatty. Bacon, eggs, and anything fried are the go to food for the cure. Turns out fatty foods are actually a better prevention method than a cure, as the grease repels booze from the stomach lining. Eggs on the other hand contain amino acids which help to break down post-drinking toxins. Sweet! I love America, bacon for dinner, eggs for breakfast…sign me up.

In Denmark they call it "reparationsbajer", in Japan it’s “futsukayoi”, or “fix-it Brewster” and “second day drunk” respectively. I call this “hair of the dog”, turns out the Irish do as well so I’ll fit right in come June. In my opinion, the Danes, Japanese and Irish hit this one on the head, but science would have you believe that it does more harm than good because your poor liver has to start working double time.

I don’t know if Sarah Palin has ever seen a Russian drinking pickle juice straight from the jar while she keeps an eye on them from her front porch but turns out pickle juice = bye bye hangover. As if that isn’t gross enough, Koreans who throw down too much Cass or Hite eat some type of soup made from coagulated ox blood, cabbage, cow bones, pork spine and veggies.

My thoughts, if you can eat ground up cow soup or drink pickle juice straight from a jar (unless you’re Snookie of course) without throwing up, you probably don’t have that bad of a hangover. So quitcha whining and go make me some eggs, bring me a beer, or leave me alone so I can enjoy my favorite time of day.

With age comes wisdom....and early bird specials

Took a little camping trip to the Peace River this past weekend and became a little bit smarter....

Turns out 4x thinks biodegradable has the same definition as disappearing or evaporating. Friday night she took a pee pee in the woods, used potty wipes which were described as "biodegradable" on the packaging and in the morning investigated the piece of woods designated the girls room to see if the wipes were gone yet. Seriously? FYI, she's a doctor.

My body was 100% built for pleasure, not speed. In an 8 mile canoe trip I think I paddled (or what Whooo called "power boating", due to my very short spurts of quick paddle strokes) for a total of a mile, in maybe 10 foot increments.

4x is insane.

With age comes wisdom....and a need for periodic naps

What I learned this past weekend....

The comedic ensemble of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider = two hours and $1 I will never get back. Previews, f-in previews.

Through no choosing of my own, I am apparently a Florida State Fan.

Momma and John F were lying. Money does grow on trees...well maybe not, but def on tomato plants cause I found a penny in the pot. Makes me wonder if that whole thing about them not being able to see to drive with the overhead light on in the car was true or not.

With age comes wisdom....and gray hair

Boat shoes are only non-slip on a boat. They are ultra-slip on gravel.

When trying to win tickets on the radio, listen to the actual radio. Don't listen to the internet feed of the station....there is a time delay, and you will not win anything.